


You Are My Hiding Place

by aleighcarlisle



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Original Trilogy Tie-in, Scarif Aftermath, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-09-19 10:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9435683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleighcarlisle/pseuds/aleighcarlisle
Summary: Jyn learns that comfort can be found if one only remembers to come out of the dark.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just another Rogue-One Fix-it. These characters will not leave me in peace. All errors are mine and I do not own the characters. Many references to the novelization can be found throughout.

By all outside appearances, the fourth moon of the gas giant Yavin was a veritable jungle. The breathtaking orchids that produced their own light shone like stars in the night sky. Vines overtook the walls of the temple, as if the foliage had been planted in between each stone as they were laid. The beauty was overshadowed by the putrid smell of vegetation as it decomposed and scorched in the hot sun. It was enough to make any soldier heave what little Rebellion issued food rations had settled into their stomach. Chest-tightening humidity settled upon anyone who dared step outside the temple walls.

It made Jyn wonder why she shivered so. Her bare arms prickled with tiny bumps as she rubbed them nervously.

Her gloves itched on her fingers, sweat and blood intermingled underneath the cool fabric, her skin pulling each time she squeezed her hand into a fist. As she quickly walked past the starship lift that led to the lower hangar, her eyes darted from one repair bay to the next, each one filled with ships at varying degrees of reparation. The smell of burnt metal assaulted her as astromech droids fired and welded broken parts. The number of ships in the fleet that hadn’t returned from Scarif was staggering. Every ship lost represented the lives of brave soldiers, most of whom she’d never met, sacrificing their lives for a transmission whose whereabouts were currently unknown.

Shifting her gaze to the floor she followed the familiar path she’d walked each day since they’d returned. As she came toward the blast doors to the hangar she looked nervously to her right and left in fear that she’d caught someone’s attention with her strange behavior. In the corner of the room was a small space of 3 meters, hidden behind the fusion generators that supplied power to the temple. Her frame would remain relatively hidden for as long as she deemed necessary, as long as she remembered to keep still.

The hum of the generators made her chest reverberate. Its dulcet tones calmed her anxious mind. Fusion generators were a modern marvel, able to produce unlimited amounts of energy. She smiled sadly as she thought of her father. How many times had she heard him talk to anyone who would listen about the impracticality of the cost of fusion reactors? His research led him to believe that kyber crystals held the secret to sustainable energy as it could provide power to developing worlds at little overhead cost. The vibration lulled her into a state of slumber.

 In the brief time her family lived on Coruscant, her papa would stay up late into the night attempting to finish work impressed upon him by the Empire. She could remember sneaking into the engineering room and allowing the sound of his experimentation to rock her to sleep. Always believing she was clever in her hiding place, she would wake up surprised to find herself back in bed the next morning with a soft blanket tucked around her and the memory of a kiss pressed to her temple.

Jyn curled in on herself as the events of the past few days pressed their suffocating weight upon her. The brief moment she’d shared with Cassian on the beach, the plans of the Empire transmitting off-planet, and the vision of the horizon caving in upon itself as it fell victim to the planet killer. As they’d embraced, fully accepting their fate as sacrifices for the greater good of the Rebellion, a lone U-wing had appeared, hovering over the waves as they churned from the oncoming implosion. She half-dragged, half-carried Cassian until their bodies collapsed upon cold steel of the cargo hold as the door slid shut. Cassian’s dead weight lay upon her legs as she'd hunched over him, tightly holding him to her chest as the U-wing shook and dropped in the unstable air. Pulling back and looking into his face, she hadn’t seen the Cassian she knew. In his place was the shell of a man, face pallid and fevered. Eyes tightly shut as whistling gasps escaping his chapped lips. Looking toward the cockpit she could hear the pilot cursing as debris filled his flight path. It was like Jedha all over again, except this time everyone who’d arrived with them was dead and there was no certainty the rest of them would make it out alive. 

Miraculously they broke atmo and the pilot rendezvoused with the remainder of the fleet. As Jyn held Cassian tightly to her, whispering prayers of comfort in a voice meek as a child, she’d taken a look around her and immediately wished she hadn’t.

They were not the only two who’d been picked up before escaping Scarif. Three other humanoid men shared the space, and curled up in the corner looked to be a Drabatan, but she couldn’t be sure. Three of the four looked to have already passed. Bodies immobile, the stench of death wafted through the cramped space. The remaining humanoid coughed as blood poured from his mouth. He boasted an exceptionally large blaster wound to the chest. Jyn knew she should get up, check on the others, but she turned her face away from them and tucked herself closer to Cassian as the sound of his labored breathing filled her ears. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. She wasn’t supposed to live while so many others died.

The sound of an X-wing taking off from the lower level of the base startled her from her reverie. She was no longer on the floor of the U-wing, but tucked safely behind the fusion reactors. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she laid her head against the cool stone and hid once more in her cave, the place where she locked things away when they became too painful to remember.

 

* * *

 

 

Cassian stepped out of Central Command with his arm wrapped tight against his chest. After four days in medbay he was itching to get back to work. It seemed more had happened in the days he’s was unresponsive than he could have possibly imagined. He’d been asked to debrief after being released and realized his information wasn’t much help. Everything he’d conveyed to command had already been reported by Jyn, who’d sat through interviews just hours after they landed. He remembered leaning against her on the beach, but everything afterward was a bit fuzzy. He could vaguely remember someone pulling his shoulders from behind, dragging him across the sand, rocks scraping his back, and the sound of a transport humming over his head. The coolness of metal offered welcome relief to his heated skin. He could remember someone whispering to him, his head resting against soft skin, an elevated heartbeat sounding against his ear. Next thing he knew his body was floating. Dense liquid suspended his body weight in mid-air. The feeling of slowly being suffocated, he knew he’d earned a dip in the Bacta tank.

 

The base was now crawling with rebel soldiers. Troops were regrouping, and High Command were processing hundreds of new soldiers who’d decided to join the fight against the Empire. Most were Imperial defectors who’d escaped Scarif before their demise. The Rebellion was overrun in their attempt to determine the allegiance of such a great number. Not all were like Bodhi, heroically escaping in an attempt to provide valuable information. He’d proved his fidelity by putting himself in harms way on behalf of the Rebellion. It would be a long process that would take away valuable time.

As Cassian rounded the corner and passed through the fighter bay, he caught sight of pilots and soldiers staring at him with something akin to pity. He knew the look well. It was one reserved for those who returned from war alone. Those who had to live with the knowledge they’d survived while others had not.

Slowing his brisk pace to walk, Cassian stopped with his hand to the blast door in order to catch his breath. Sweat dripped down his brow as he took short breaths. His broken ribs were mending, but they weren’t completely healed.

As he peeked around the corner he found what he was searching for, or rather _who_ he was searching for. Jyn Erso had looked like a child the first time he’d met her. Brazen, fearless, and immature. But the days that followed changed his harsh opinion of her. She was young, but not a child. A survivor, facing death, abandonment, and manipulation by the hands of both the Empire and the Rebellion. Instead of walking proudly through the base, telling stories of death-defying feats and facing down legions of Imperial troops, she found solace alone, hidden behind fusion reactors. This was a pattern of hers he’d picked up on before they'd left for Jedha. No doubt a habit she picked up from years of being on the run. He wasn’t sure how she slept through the noise of the fighter bay. Though he had to admit, his quarters were located directly above the pilot ready rooms and he found it easier to fall asleep with the rumble of fighters as opposed to eerie silence.

Slowly lowering his body to the cold stone, he bit back a groan as his body protested. Cassian found himself staring at her sleeping form, not quite sure of his need to find her. Involuntarily, she shivered, burrowing further into herself, as if covering her body to protect herself from attack. Softly she began to mumble incoherently, names and places he couldn’t identify. Her eyes were moving rapidly beneath her lids and sweat broke out across her forehead and upper lip. Her body remained immobile, her limbs giving no evidence to the fight that was taking place inside her head. A tear dripped unbidden from her eye as she began to whimper. Cassian tentatively stretched a hand out and laid it upon her forearm, hoping to offer comfort without waking her. There was nothing more terrifying than being wakened during a terror-filled nightmare. He’d seen soldiers do horrific things in those moments. Fighting unseen captors, screaming at invisible dangers, sobbing at losses only they could see.

His grip on her arm tightened as her breathing picked up and the words became clearer. Like a memorized liturgy the names poured forth like prayers. _Papa. Bodhi. Chirrut. Baze. Kay. Cassian._ His name spoken in her broken voice brought tears to his eyes.

Her hand shot out and grabbed him, wild eyes suddenly open and unfocused. She pinned him down with a frightened stare, unsure if the vision in front of her was real.

“Shhh,” he whispered gently, never removing his hand. “It’s just me, Jyn. It’s Cassian.”

Her grip on him faltered, confusion evident on her face.

“You’re at the Rebel Headquarters on Yavin IV, just after 0900 GST,” he finished softly as he checked his chronometer.

Her eyes turned soft as she nodded slowly. But a question still remained unanswered. Her lower lip trembled as she leaned in close and whispered, “Who am I?”

If anyone else had heard her utter such words they would’ve believed she’d gone mad. Surely she wasn’t so out of it that she'd forgotten her own name.

He merely offered a sad smile, understanding the question she was really asking.

He’d spent so many years running intelligence operations for the Rebellion, posing as Imperial officers, smugglers, foot soldiers, and the occasional slave trader. He’d spend so long undercover he struggled to remember his own name. _Willix. Aach. Joreth._ There were times he wondered if he was ever really wanted for being Cassian Andor, and not for what he could provide the Rebel Alliance.

Jyn had also lived long under the identity of others. Hiding her name for very different reasons than he. Law breaking, smuggling, and anonymity. Her name was dangerous. The price was high for possession of an Erso. The name had probably sounded like a curse to her for so long, only just earning respect in recent days. But who was she really? _Kestral Dawn. Tanith Pontha. Liana Hallik?_

Smiling softly, Cassian met her worried gaze, lifting her chin and begging her silently to believe him.

“You are Sergeant Jyn Erso, Daughter of Galen Erso. Leader of the assault of the Citadel Tower on Scarif.”

Cassian’s voice grew quieter as her face softened and her grip released. 

Her head tipped back as she settled against the wall, hand rubbing the back of her neck, releasing the tension that had formed there.

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she quickly looked him over, cursing herself that he had to cram his sore body into the small space she occupied.

“Other than feeling like a bantha sat on my chest, I’m feeling alright. I’ve got a couple more bacta treatments left, but I’ll survive.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you left medbay.”

It was evident Jyn was having an internal battle. The ease at which she’d once bantered with him, the tightness of the embrace they shared, and her breakdown in the U-wing over Scarif frightened her. She wasn’t sure the reason for her sudden shyness around him.

Cassian didn’t look bothered by it, in fact, his face had a look of amusement. “I had to meet with High Command anyway, it’s not like you didn't visit me at all.”

Had he known she’d been there the whole time? Jyn had been sure to not hover over him while he lay unconscious. Between debriefing, checking over the landing transport, and avoiding human contact, she’d spent the rest of her time pacing his room. She shared moments with him he’d never remember. She’d sit next to him, holopad in hand, sharing the most recent news concerning the Rebel fleet. She told him of her childhood, time she’d spent in prison, and any other piece of useless information that came to her mind that would fill the unnerving silence in the room.

  
“What do you remember?” her eyes dropping to her hands as she rubbed them together nervously.

“Between blinding pain and sedation, I can’t say I remember much,” he smiled softly as he cocked an eyebrow at her, trying in earnest to get her to lower her defenses. “ But 2-1B droids can be quite informative when you ask the right questions.”

She watched as dozens of emotions filtered across his face at once. He hadn’t been given as much time as she to process everything. He’d probably been briefed on the casualties and assigned his next mission as soon as he walked in to meet the Council. There was never enough time during war to process the horrific things that happened on a daily basis.

“What happened, Jyn?” his voice wavering.

Reports on the holopad could only give you so much information, and they hadn’t told Cassian what he needed to know.

Just as her hand had reached for his as they collapsed on the beach, his hand now sought hers, gripping just as tight.

“Please.”

Jyn closed her eyes, attempting to access fresh memories she’d hidden away in her cave.

“You passed out, after we made it to the beach. I kept shaking you, trying to get you to wake up. The Citadel was already crumbling, and the ground around us was being swallowed into the shock wave. I tried to cover you because the rocks and sand started pelting us. One of the transports came out of nowhere. He lowered the hatch, hovering about a meter off the ground.”

Jyn swallowed visably, remembering how close to death each of them were. “I couldn’t lift you because of my ankle,”

A quick glance at her foot confirmed her story. Cassian hadn’t noticed the brace when he’d first sat down.

“I just grabbed you under your arms from behind and dragged you to the shuttle. I know I probably caused further injuries from your body being dragged across the rock. We both made it aboard and the pilot took off. It was touch and go for a while. It was like Jedha all over again, except this time, we were the only ones left.”

The destruction of the holy city had been devastating, but they had picked up a band of miscreants who’d  come to mean more to them than a thousand nameless soldiers.

The destruction on Scarif was a reversal of sorts. Resulting in the loss of each and every one of those friends on the planet below. She couldn’t help but feel responsible for both.

“How many others on the ship?”

“Other than the pilot and copilot, there were six, including us.” She turned her head away from him, unable to bear his penetrating gaze any longer.

“How many made it back? Other than the pilot?”

Tears dripped down her cheek faster than she could dash them away with her sleeve.

“Just me and you.”

It happened before she could protest, Cassian had slid across the remaining space and gathered her small frame into his arms. His calloused hand made its way to her hair as he buried his fingers in its softness. Jyn tucked her head in the hollow of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent. One of her hands tangled itself in the fabric of his shirt while the other grasped at his back. A small groan escaped his lips as she squeezed too hard against his tender ribs. She made to pull away, but he just gripped her tighter. Rubbing his hand in circles on her back, he murmured comforting words in his native tongue, trying in earnest to calm her, as one would a frightened child. He could only imagine the horror she endured on the transport flight.

He knew what it was like to hear the sounds of death without the ability to comfort those in pain. The crying, the screaming, and then the silence. To not be allowed a moment of composure before having to answer to authority on the details of your mission. He’d been in surgery, and she’d been before a firing squad of the Rebel Command, alone.

He wondered if she’d eaten, or slept, other than infrequent naps in the dark corners of the base.

He pulled back from her, gripping her shoulders. Her head still bowed, she refused to face him.

“Why don’t I take you back to your quarters? You can get some rest, and then we can go from there.”

Her eyes looked panicked, and he wondered if he’d said something wrong.

“What is it?”

“I wasn’t assigned a space in the barracks.”

As Cassian cursed under his breath, a murderous look crossed his face at the lapse in judgment of the Rebel High Command.

Jyn didn’t seem to be bothered. She didn’t expect to be provided for. She had grown accustomed to fending for herself. It made her that much more impossible for him to understand.

“It’s not their fault. I came in here as a pawn of the Alliance, and I know we had a deal. I provide the information they want, and I don’t have to go back to Wobani. I never officially joined the Rebellion anyway, remember?” her sad smile met his face of disgust.

“After we came back they were overrun with defectors, injured soldiers, and reports of missing intelligence officers. I’m sure I wasn’t high on their list of priorities. It’s fine, really. I spent the first couple nights on the transport, then I just found places around the base I knew I wouldn’t be bothered.”

Tempered anger simmered in Cassian’s voice. “Even defectors of the Empire and prisoners of war are assigned a place to lay their head, Jyn.”

She just smiled back and answered, “I guess that’s the benefit of running for so many years. You can’t miss something you never had in the first place.”

Cassian bit back a groan as he shifted himself against the stone wall and stood. He put his hand out in invitation to her. She looked at him questioningly before taking his hand.

“Where are we going?”

“Officer’s quarters,” he answered simply, offering no explanation as to why she was being pulled along.

* * *

 

Cassian kept a tight grip on Jyn’s hand as they walked to the second level of the temple. He tried to walk at a slower pace, taking her injury into consideration. Other officers and soldiers watched them in silence as they passed. Some acknowledged Cassian with a nod, others just stared. Whether in shock at their return, or judgment at their insubordination to the Council, he couldn’t be sure. Questions were forming in their eyes, but he didn’t dare stop to answer.

Jyn made to pull her hand away, but Cassian held tighter. “Let them stare,” was all he uttered to her.

As they arrived at the door, Cassian released her hand and pressed a code into the terminal at the door. The light flashed to green and the door slid open, cool air hitting them as they walked into the room. His quarters were small, but accommodating. Bed, refresher, and seating area. A luxury for any soldier of the war. Too bad they were never in one place long enough to enjoy it.

“Sit,” he ordered softly, nodding his head toward the bed.

Cassian went to the refresher and came out minutes later with a wet cloth and a bowl of water. Placing the bowl on the bedside table, he took the cloth and kneeled in front of Jyn. Nodding toward her hands he asked softly, “May I?”

Jyn nodded her head, unable to get her mouth to work long enough to answer.

He released the clasp at the base of her wrist and pulled off the first glove as gently as possible. Her skin stuck to the fabric in places as dried blood acted as an adhesive. Her nails were jagged, some ripped down to the quick. Her knuckles had been scraped and bruises were visible on her fingers. She hadn’t realized how sore they were until he had them in his own grasp. Taking the cloth he gently scrubbed her hands, careful not to irritate the wounds any further. He would stop each time she gasped or whimpered, whispering an apology each time.

As he took her other glove off and began to clean the skin he tentatively spoke, “Seeing as you’ve cleaned up since Scarif, as evidenced by your clean clothes, how is it that your hands are in this shape?”

Her silence begged him not to press. He looked up and met her worried gaze. His expression one of trust and understanding.

Jyn looked away, staring blankly at the wall behind Cassian’s head.

“They wouldn’t let me see you. No one would tell me what was happening. I needed something to do, they wouldn’t give me anything to do.”

She turned her gaze back to him, his eyes unguarded and safe. An expression she knew he reserved only for a very few.

“I went back to the transport. They’d left it sitting in the cargo bay after inspection. They didn’t have enough people to recover all the ships that returned, so I volunteered to clean up the cargo hold.”

“By hand?” he questioned, seeking understanding.

Jyn nodded bleakly. Cassian had often heard the old adage of having one’s blood on your hands, but this was something else entirely. She’d scrubbed the metal and grating of a U-wing fighter with her bare hands. His blood, and that of their deceased passengers. Paying penance or some such nonsense she would probably say, but as far as he was concerned there need not be any blood on her hands, for each and every soldier whose life was sacrificed did so by their own volition.

Cassian finished washing her hands, though stains were still evident around her fingertips. There would always be blood that refused to be washed away. Wrapping tape around the bruised knuckles, he brought them to his lips and kissed them softly, his scruffy face tickling her sensitive fingers as he did so.

“You are a brave woman, Jyn Erso.”

After putting things away, Cassian sat down in a chair across from the bed. Propping his legs up against the end of the bed, he crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.

“I should probably go. Let you get some rest.” Jyn made to get up and leave but was stopped by Cassian’s legs blocking her path.

With eyes still closed he murmured tiredly, "You are not leaving this room until you get some proper sleep. You might as well accept it, I can be just as stubborn as you.”

Too tired to argue, Jyn took off her shoes, wincing as she turned her ankle just so. Lying back against the pillow, she turned to face the wall.

Cassian should have run by now, far away from someone like her. She wasn’t any good for anyone. Something about her sent people running.

“Cassian?” she whispered

He mumbled an acknowledgement.

“When I came to see you. What do you remember?”

She had a feeling he was aware of more during his stint in the medbay than he was willing to share. She remembered rambling on while she sat with him, talking just to keep the silence at bay. She told him of the image. The one in her mind, the place that she hid. She had shared it with someone else she trusted once, regretting it ever since that day. But what would Cassian do with that information, if he knew?

Turning her body to face him she found him in the same position as before, only his eyes were open, soft and kind.

“You told me about your cave.”

She nodded as tears dripped down her face. She didn’t dare move, and neither did he.

“It looks like the tunnel where you hid as a child. When Krennic came to take your father away. You hid in the cave for hours, a small oil lamp turning light to darkness as you waited in fear. Your father had been taken, your mother killed, and a group of death troopers were looking for you. You stayed until Saw came for you. The image, it lives on, in your mind. It’s where you seek shelter, where you hide when you’re scared. The place you leave things when you can’t bear to look at them anymore.”

Her gaze dropped to her hands as she gripped the pillow in fear.

“Look at me, Jyn.”

She did as he bade, his eyes holding her, refusing to let go.

“You don’t have to hide anymore.”

She lay there in relative silence. Nothing but the sound of her breathing and the occasional rumble of aircraft taking off from the base. Cassian’s gentle breath was a welcome comfort, solid and steady.

Tucking her hand beneath her chin she closed her eyes, allowing her mind to settle, and her body to rest for the first time she could remember since she was a child, watched over by her Papa.

Cassian slowly opened his eyes, peering at Jyn as he heard her breathing settle into a slow and deep pattern. Her grip on the pillow had loosened and her hand was tucked beneath her head.

The holopad on the table beside him lit up with an alert. Thankful the sound had been disabled on the device, he lifted it to put his credentials in to receive the message. The color drained from his face as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

The words he feared flashed upon the screen. _Death Star. Alderaan. Tantive IV captured by Imperial Star Destroyer Devastator.  In possession of stolen battle station plans._

There would be a meeting of High Command as soon as possible to discuss the Alliance’s next move. Below the message were new orders that would be discussed in detail after the meeting. It would not be a spy mission, nor a recovery effort. He was being sent out as a scout, to search for a new location to house the new base. The knowledge had spread of Yavin IV since Scarif, and it wouldn’t be long until a strike would be planned against them.

Setting the holopad down, he dropped his head in his hands. His mind began to race, questioning all the lives that had been sacrificed on Scarif, all of the days and nights spent scouring intelligence reports and recruiting soldiers. Had it all been for naught?

He looked over at Jyn, sound asleep, a gentle smile on her lips. None the wiser of the events unfolding elsewhere in the galaxy. He wouldn’t wake her, not yet. She deserved to sleep in safety, in comfort, if only for a short time.

HE knew when she woke, she would be tempted to run, to hide from him, and from all they had worked so hard for. But he refused to let her. They would face it together.

Rising slowly from his seat he went over to a small cabinet and pulled out a soft blanket. Placing it over Jyn’s small body, he tucked it around her gently. He leaned close and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, lingering as he touched her soft skin. Brushing her hair behind her ear he whispered softly, “Sleep well, Stardust.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be a one-shot, but lots of encouraging comments came my way and I decided to dive in!

Her body had just relaxed into deep sleep when a heavy pounding against the door caused her to shoot up from the bed in panic. The room was cast in complete darkness making it difficult to get her bearings. Rubbing her eyes of the last vestiges of precious sleep, she padded over to the entrance. Squinting her eyes against the bright light emanating from the hallway, she found a young man in an unkempt uniform standing on the other side of the door. She was terrible at insignias, each division of military having their own distinctions, and she had no way of identifying him. He stood nervously, hands shaking at his sides, looking anywhere but at her face.

“Sergeant Erso?”

Jyn paused briefly, uncertain as to how anyone outside of Rogue One knew about her “status” as a Sergeant. It was laughable really, SpecForce Lieutenant Sefla had haphazardly bestowed the title upon her as he stressed before their landing that the soldiers would have trouble respecting her if she wasn’t military.

Cassian. This was definitely his doing.

The young man’s voice interrupted the stray thought, “Your presence is requested with General Dodonna at 1300 in the general meeting room. If you have any questions or are unable to attend, please report to certified personnel in Central Command.”

No sooner than he’d delivered his message, he hurried down the hallway, head bowed.

Locking the door behind her, Jyn made for the refresher, fist pressed to her forehead to ward off an oncoming migraine. Lack of sleep and crying were never a good combination. As she took a damp towel and pressed it against her face, she got a good look at herself in the small mirror propped up against the wall. Her hair was wiry and dry, the change in humidity inside the base causing it to pull all remaining moisture from her locks. The dark circles, that was nothing new, they’d always been a mainstay. She couldn’t really remember what she looked like without them. 

Turning to exit the room she bumped against the cabinet, knocking a small metal object to the floor. Looking down she noticed it was a straight razor. Of all the modern devices a man could use to trim his hair, Cassian was ever the traditionalist. She smiled at that, it was most decidedly him. Realizing that loitering in the space was probably an invasion of privacy, she placed it gently back where it belonged, and exited back to the bedroom.

Searching through the room, Jyn looked for a chronometer, or some device that could tell her how late she’d slept and how long she had before reporting upstairs.

Spotting Cassian’s holopad on the table, she quickly grabbed it up. 1210. Less than three hours she’d slept. Cassian must have left soon after she’d fallen asleep. It was possible he’d been called away on a mission, or perhaps he needed to escape the over-emotional female currently occupying his quarters.

A small part of her was upset that he didn’t tell her he was leaving, but the logical part told her she was overreacting. Besides, she’d been involved in countless military missions under Saw and knew that sometimes there just wasn’t time, nor was there the clearance.

Straightening up the room as best she could, she grabbed her soiled gloves off the table and stepped through the door.

 

* * *

 

The tone around the base was subdued, which came as a bit of a surprise to Jyn. The deaths of their comrades from the assault on Scarif was fresh on everyone’s mind, but one would expect at least a moment of elation at the thought that the key to destroying the Empire was in reach.

Rounding the corner Jyn ran almost headlong into Mon Mothma.

Regal was the only way to describe the middle-aged politician. Powder blue robes whispered just an inch from the floor as she seemed to float across the stone surface. Her face was a cool mask of indifference, no doubt adopted from years of work in the Imperial Senate.

“Sergeant Erso, I wondered if I might speak with you a moment? I know you have a meeting with General Dodonna, but I was hoping to catch you before then.”

Jyn nodded, falling in step with the rebel leader. What was happening? Just 24 hours ago, the High Command could have cared less about where she was or what her future plans consisted of. Now she had multiple leaders wishing to meet with her and insisting on using that unwarranted title. That’s it, she was going to kill Cassian when she found him.

Leading her to a small conference room, Mon gestured for Jyn to take a seat.

“I take it you have heard the most recent developments concerning the stolen plans?”

Jyn’s eyes widened as she shook her head vigorously. “Last I’d heard the location of the plans were unknown.”

Mon breathed deeply, anguish evident by the lines that framed her eyes. Placing a hand on the table in front of her, she looked to be bracing for the deliverance of bad news.

“We have intel that suggests the plans were intercepted by Tantive IV, the royal flagship of the House of Organa. Princess Leia and her task force were enroute to Tatooine for a recruitment operation of sorts. We received word a few hours ago that her ship was taken captive by the Devastator.”

Jyn’s face blanched. She had rather the location of the plans be unknown than to hear they’d been recaptured by the Empire.

“We believe an escape pod was jettisoned shortly before the vessel’s capture. We are not certain of its location, but an increased Imperial presence on Tatooine shows us that they too, are searching for the jettisoned pod. We will trust that the plans are still within reach.”

Jyn’s eyes hardened as they met Mon’s sympathetic gaze. “Will there be a recovery mission? Are we sending troops to recover the Princess and the stolen plans? Has Captain Andor been assigned this task?”

As the last words left her mouth she wanted to stuff them back in. Her concern for Cassian evident in her tone.

“The risk is too great to plan a strike against the Devastator, and in turn the Death Star. There is little chance that the Princess can be recovered without a great loss of life. She, like the rest of us, knew the threat of capture and the protocol that follows.”

Jyn bit back a stinging retort. It was like Scarif all over again. When would this rebellion learn that they had soldiers willing to die for this cause? Willing to come out of hiding and fight, instead of locking themselves away in a base until they felt they were strong enough to take down the Empire in one fell swoop.

And what of their allegiance to this princess? They were willing to leave behind one of the most valuable members of the rebellion to protect themselves. Leaving her to submit to Imperial interrogation, and most likely execution.

Her mind drifted back to Eadu. Rebel ships attacking the landing pad as Krennic confronted the team of engineers as to their loyalty to the Empire. At that moment, the rebellion had held out no hope for her survival, and she didn’t blame them. But Cassian was another story. They had purposefully sent rebel fighters in the hope of killing her father, not caring that the lives of their own were also at stake.

“Ms. Erso, there has been another demonstration of the Death Star’s capabilities since Scarif.”

Jyn’s vision became glassy, her chest tightening as if someone was pinning her down. No matter how many times she told herself that the destruction of life by the super weapon were not her doing, there was a part of her that would always take the blame. This planet killer that her father helped create, he had done it all in the name of protecting his family, protecting her. She wondered if she had just died that day Krennic arrived on Lah’mu, then maybe her dad would have had the strength to say no, and in so doing, many lives would have been spared. One life in exchange for a multitude.

“The Death Star has destroyed the Planet of Alderaan.”

Eyes rolling back in her head, Jyn had to grab the table in front of her to keep from slipping to the floor. Not just a city, or a small moon, but an entire planet. But even so, their target was no a military installation, nor a planet overrun by Alliance sympathizers. Its target was one of unmatched beauty, peace, and passivity.

Looking up, Jyn realized that Mon was still speaking to her. The name _Andor_ grabbed at her attention.

“He’s been sent off planet on a classified mission. He would have been unable to brief you on the details of his assignment.”

Mon Montha seemed to stare right through her, as if trying to size her up.

“Captain Andor speaks highly of you, Ms. Erso, and he is not one to arbitrarily offer commendation of anyone. I believe the High Command owes you an apology. If you see fit to abide by the rules and regulations of this Alliance, we would take pleasure in welcoming you into our leadership. Our lapse in judgment was pointed out rather brazenly and I have to admit it was deserved. You have since been assigned officers’ quarters and the rank bestowed upon you on Scarif will be officially recognized by all members of the Alliance.”

Oh, that she could have been a fly on the wall when a sleep-deprived, adrenaline racing, Cassian Andor mouthed off to High Command. The fact that she was being treated so amicably showed how respected he was among the leaders of the rebellion.

Jyn bowed her head just slightly, “I would be honored to serve on behalf of the Rebel Alliance.”

Mon’s face broke out in a small smile, a welcome surprise to the normal deadpan expression she wore.

“Good! It’s why you’re meeting with General Dodonna. He will give you your orders and navigate you to officer’s quarters.”

It hit Jyn that they had planned these events with the belief that she would agree. What hope would they have had that she would even consider working for them?

Her mouth curled into a smirk. Cassian was a better negotiator than she thought.

 

* * *

 

 

Jan Dodonna may have been on in years, but he was a seasoned General who’d seen his share of battle on both sides of the war. It was commonly known that Dodonna began his career with the Empire, trusted enough to become one of the first to captain a Star Destroyer. He had a gruff and commanding voice, weathered from years of handing out orders to troops under his leadership. But beyond the exterior was a gentle and kind countenance. A father-like figure to the younger in the chain of command, a quality that made her heart twist with envy. After introductions, General Dodonna sat before a monitor and waved her over. An image displayed a diagram of the Outer Rim territory. Several systems had been labeled in red and green.

Pointing to their current location on the map, he began to explain.

“We knew of the inevitability of moving from this base, only we didn’t realize it would be in such a short amount of time. Ideally we wouldn’t have been moving out under immediate threat, but after months of careful planning, and without the watchful eye of the Empire. Since the infiltration of Scarif, it’s become apparent that we have an exceptionally large group of soldiers walking around this base who for all intents and purposes may still hold allegiance to the Empire. Although we remain hopeful our location has not been compromised, I have a sneaking suspicion our base isn’t as secret as we’d like to think. With the recent capture of Tantive IV, we have reason to believe the Empire will do everything in their power to discover our location through any means possible.”

Pointing to the monitor, the General continued his explanation, “These markers represent potential planets and moons that meet our criteria for potential bases. Those in red have already been discussed and rejected due to increased Imperial presence in the area. Most recently we have dismissed Insk and Daxan Beta as candidates as they are dangerously close to Imperial trade routes.” Pointing to a small green blip on the screen, he explained, “We will be sending a small team to the system of Hoth. Our main objective will be to investigate the safety of the location for an operation of our size. The team will gather intelligence of nearby inhabitants, stability of terrain, and technological adaptability. We are of course looking for a place that is relatively secluded and free of any current ties to the Empire. Your team will consist of 5 personnel. Pilot, co-pilot, an intelligence operative and two members of security.”

Dodonna pressed a holopad into her hands. “All the details are in here. You will be able to set up an access code for yourself, as well. Unless you have additional questions for me, your team will be leaving from hangar bay 3 as soon as you’re ready.”

 

* * *

 

After locating her quarters, changing into her new Alliance-issued fatigues, and packing a small bag, Jyn had made her way to the hangar bay. Finding two men ambling up the ramp with equipment, she followed them in silence.

After packing the equipment in the cargo hold they turned to look at her in silence. After introducing herself they continued to stare as if she hadn’t spoken, turning around and busying themselves with securing the ship for takeoff.

Moving to the cabin, Jyn found a middle aged man in the captain’s chair running through pre-flight protocol. Clearing her throat as to not startle him, he turned around, pulling his headphones from his ears and extending a hand.

“Sergeant Erso,” he shook her hand tightly, a kind smile on his face. “Roy Jensen, ma’am.”

The two crewman she had entered with passed the cockpit, looking to Jensen as if awaiting orders.

“Sergeant, this is Jarrus and Sikes.”

Jyn laughs nervously as she looks between Jensen and the two crewman, “We’ve met.”

Jensen leans in to speak as the two men leave to close the ramp and cabin door. “You know you are fully within your rights as leader of this mission and superior officer to reprimand both of them for insubordination.”

“If I’ve learned anything from years of taking orders, it’s that there’s great difficulty in demanding respect. Compliance can be ordered, but respect only earned. I don’t blame them for not trusting me. As long as they do nothing to jeopardize the mission, I could care less about their personal feelings toward me.”

He turned back to the controls to complete the running sequence. Leaving the cockpit, she settled onto a metal slab that protruded a mere 10 inches from the hull. Pulling the chest straps from either side of her shoulders, she tightened the belts, securing her person. Staring forward she focused on the hum of the ship, how quiet it was compared to the U-wing and subsequent Imperial transport they’d boarded to Scarif. Resting her head against the cool metal paneling behind her, she breathed deeply, forcing herself to focus on nothing but the mission ahead. She could do this, she could prove that her leadership was worth respecting.

 

* * *

 

 

The ship shook as it broke atmo, Cassian rechecking his coordinates for landing. The sight before him brought feelings to the surface he wasn’t ready to deal with. The view from this height was as stunning as the first time they’d landed. The same deep blue oceans, white sandy beaches, and islands that gleamed like bright emerald. The landscape was once spotless, uninhabited by humanoid species, before the Empire took it as their own. The once pristine landscape now bore the scars of a war only in its infancy. Ten square miles of Scarif’s surface area had been disintegrated. Normal weaponry left vestiges of destruction. Rubble, flecks of metal, remains of beings who’d died in the blast zone. But the sheer amount of heat and energy output by the Death Star was no match for any living thing. The perfect circle of destruction was charred black, razed as deep as 15 feet in places.

It reminded Cassian of the Imperials descent upon Lothal. How farmers had been evicted from their land in order for the Empire to mine for metal deposits. The land was taken, excavated, and left a barren wasteland. Never ones for reclamation, the Empire.

As the ship drew closer to the ground, Cassian was surprised an alarm had yet to sound, alerting them to the potential presence of the enemy planet-side.

He questioned his participation in this mission since he’d left Yavin. He’d spent the entire trip through hyperspace pouring over his holopad on the specifics of the operation. He held mixed feelings of the necessity of this mission. They’d lost a tremendous number of troops on Scarif, and as far as Cassian was concerned, there was nothing left for them on that life-taking planet. But when he’d heard of its planning, he was convinced it was his job to undertake.

The mission was simple. Check the latest communications coming from energy signatures near the blast site. The rebels had received multiple encrypted messages from the planet since their escape. The voices were always scrambled, with no way to determine their origin. Some held out hope that they were from rebel troops that made it out of the immediate blast zone but had been stranded when the fleet retreated.

The co-pilot signaled to Cassian that an incoming message was coming across. He still wasn’t used to sitting in a cockpit devoid of Kay. The fact that he desperately missed his non-sentient companion spoke volumes to the loneliness in his heart. Droids could be trusted because of their programming, their allegiance written into the very circuits that powered them. There was no confusion, no sentiment, only cold hard truth. Or in Kay’s case, a heavy dose of morbidity and biting sarcasm.

His mouth curled up in a half-smile at the most recent memory of Kay slapping him across the face as they stood before a firing squad of Stormtroopers on Jedha. For all the specs that made him an asset to the Rebellion, the thing that Cassian had loved most was his inability to lie. It could bring quite the comic relief when one’s life wasn’t being threatened.

The young copilot shook him from his thoughts by playing aloud a broken transmission from below. Static and garbled voices were all either could hear, neither sure of its content. A voice broke through loud and clear,

“Requesting assistance. Survivors present with allegiance to the Rebel Alliance. Prisoners and potential defectors of the Empire also present. Please respond. I repeat, requesting assistance…”

Cassian hit the speaker on the monitor just to his right. He knew to use an untraceable identification number to keep their identity hidden. “This is UV-3155, responding to a distress call, please identify yourself.”

Nothing but silence emanated from the comm. Cassian had his hand tentatively placed on a switch that would activate their shields if necessary.

The radio crackled to life, a different voice from the first responding.

“Cassian?”

The voice hit him like a kick in the chest. It couldn’t be.

“This is Captain Cassian Andor, please identify yourself.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jyn hoped with everything within her that Hoth would not be the Alliance’s first choice for a new base. She’d seen her fair share of cold planets, but this was a bit extreme. She knew the temperatures were dangerously cold as she no longer felt the biting wind across her face. Landing had been rough, and her hands were still sore from the white-knuckled grip she kept on her seat. Apparently white-out conditions and the occasional blizzard were more of a commonality than a rare event. They’d had no problems locating the Clabburn Range, the mountainous area Dodonna was interested in for building the underground base. Elaborate ice caves peppered the area, naturally formed by the melting and refreezing of the ground beneath.

The team had brought a generator and multiples lines to test the capability of their energy supply on a planet with extreme temperatures. If even the most basic equipment could not operate at efficient standards, there was no way the more complex communication systems and shield generator could be supported.

Her security detail checked the stability of the ice cavern before allowing her to drop below. Jarrus and Sikes were up above, running meters of heavy wire coated in water resistant material. A large panel was set up on the surface, taking in light and translating it into energy to power the generator. The light from the nearest sun was minimal, it explained the year round frigid temperatures of the planet.

Jensen was connecting the wiring to the generator as Jyn set the controls on the side panel. Her breath, visible in the darkened cave, came in loud puffs as she struggled with a small lever that seemed to have frozen shut. Pulling her comlink from her belt she contacted the two outside.

“Stand by to test the generator. Once I get this lever turned, I’ll give you the signal, then I want you to connect the cables. Is that understood?”

There was no answer and Jyn cursed in frustration. She hoped the issue was with the comlinks and not the men on the other end.

“I’ll go up and see what’s going on,” Jenson yelled over his shoulder as he quickly rounded the narrow turns of the ice cavern toward the entrance.

Jyn looked back to the generator, bracing her feet on the icy ground and grabbing the lever once more with her gloved hands. Ripping them off, she could finally get a firm grip on the frozen piece of metal. Her hands were already becoming numb, the chill traveling up her arms. Surprisingly sweat dripped down her face as she struggled to get it free. Finally, the lever flipped down with force and Jyn rubbed her hands to bring a bit of warmth back to them.

Turning toward the wires that Jensen had been working with, she twisted one and inserted it into the side panel. Before she could grab her comlink to give them the okay to turn the power on a white-hot blast emanated from the generator. Blinding heat scorched painfully across Jyn’s face as the power from the explosion slammed her into the ice wall behind her. The last thing she remembered was the sound of male voices yelling her name as she lost consciousness.

 

* * *

 

Cassian was bombarded by Alliance officials and soldiers alike surrounding the aircraft as the ramp lowered them to the ground. Their mission had been classified, but as soon as his reports from Scarif reached the base, the news must have spread like wildfire. Survivors had been found on the planet, more than any of them had thought possible. As they descended the ramp there were yells and tears, soldiers embracing comrades they believed to be long lost. Bringing up the back was a grouping of 7 Imperials, their current allegiance questionable. Each of them were cuffed and would soon be led to interrogation where they would be processed and placed in holding while High Command decided their fate. 12 Rebel fighters had been recovered, brought back from the proverbial dead. Their stories, as Cassian heard them on the flight back, were unfathomable. They’d not only survived a war, but its aftermath. They had regained control after being taken captive by Imperials. It was becoming prisoners of war that had saved them, for they’d been taken out of the immediate blast zone before the Death Star had even appeared on the horizon.

He knew he would be requested for immediate questioning upon his return. In the few days they’d been gone, hope had sprung anew for the Rebellion. The Princess had been rescued from the hands of the Empire and the plans had been located. He wasn’t sure of the details, but was anxious to get a look at the readout himself. He began to wonder if Jyn was back from her mission, if she’d heard the good news.

General Draven met him as turned toward the turbolift.

“Captain Andor. Congratulations on your recovery effort on Scarif.”

The words out of Draven’s mouth were the only thing congratulatory about him. His arms were crossed and his expression one of annoyance. Once again, a mission he had voted against was successful, and he wasn’t one to stay quiet about it.

“Although you do know the prisoners you brought back will cause a back log on an already busy processing schedule.”

Cassian stared hard at the man in front of him. He had always been grateful for Davits leadership, for his guidance as a young soldier in the fight against the Empire. Every skill he’d gained in intelligence had been gleaned from the General. He’d blindly followed every order the superior officer handed him. But all of that changed on Eadu. For the first time, Cassian questioned authority, and in turn, questioned the motives of General Draven.

“Would you rather me have lined them up and shot each one, sir?” he asked seriously, never breaking his stare.

Standing toe to toe with Cassian, he lowered his voice in a means to intimidate him, “Captain Andor, I do not appreciate your unprofessional tone.”

“And I don’t appreciate your insinuating that half of the men in that cargo hold should have been left to die on Scarif. You know better than I that some of the greatest leaders in this Rebellion once shared alliances with the Empire.”

“You sound just like Mothma. Listen Andor, we may have the likes of Dodonna and Madine, but we’re in a different stage of war. The defectors that walk through these halls bring us closer to being found by the Empire. Pay attention to the _unfortunate liabilities_ , Captain, like Erso. Some people have done so much to further the reach of the Empire that no amount of allegiance to the Alliance can convince me otherwise.”

Cassian knew that Dravan was attempting to bait him, his cutting remark concerning Galen Erso was in part a direct attempt to criticize his direct disobedience on Eadu. Not to mention, his continued trust and support of Jyn, who fought to make reparations for the choices her father had made.

As Cassian turned to move past him, he left him with one last remark. “Your talents would have been better served on Hoth, as originally assigned. Maybe then we wouldn’t be dealing with replacing a blown generator and wasting our medbay supplies on _unfortunate liabilities_.”

Draven left Cassian to decipher the hidden meaning behind his words. He still had to meet with High Council and help get the returning Alliance troops settled, then he would seek out Jyn and find out what happened.

 

* * *

 

 

One of the men who’d been rescued from Scarif walked briskly beside Cassian, struggling to match his rapid pace. Walking into medbay, he saw very quickly that which Draven had so coldly alluded to.

Jyn lay back on a bed that had been adjusted back to eye level so the healer could peel bandages away from her eyes. The last of the cloth had been taken away and Cassian could see painfully reddened skin covering most of her face. But from what he could see across the room, it was her eyes that had taken the brunt of the damage. The healer apologized as Jyn gasped in pain. She took a small vial of liquid and positioned it above her face.

“Now this will probably be quite painful, as you still have exposed nerves. The intense heat has burned through multiple layers of protective covering.”

Cassian watched as her hands grasped the light blanket beneath her and turn to tight fists as the healer placed the liquid in each eye. A painful moan escaped her lips as she fought to stay quiet during the excruciating process. A soft cloth was dabbed under each of her eyes as the healer took a closer look at each one.

“What can you see Ms. Erso?”

“Same as before. I can see light, but not much else.” Her voice sounded hoarse, like she’d gone days without speaking.

“Well, it’s an improvement from where we started. I think a few more bacta treatments and your sight will improve dramatically. There will still be sensitivity until new tissue forms in its place, but your vision should return in time. I’ll leave the bandages off and let your wounds breathe.”

The healer looked toward the two men and nodded, smiling shyly as she left the room.

Jyn sat up at stared right at them. Her eyes reminded him of Chirrut, glassy and colorless, as if the burning fire he’d seen in them had been extinguished. The tightness in her expression was evidence that she was in a tremendous amount of pain, which is why it surprised him when she offered a small smile.

“Just because I can’t see doesn’t mean I can’t hear, Captain Andor.”

To his knowledge he’d made no sound upon approach. The healer hadn’t acknowledged him out loud.

“How…” he started.

She looked amused that he had to ask. “You drag your left leg when you’re tired. Your boot drags against the floor, ever so slightly. I’m guessing from an old injury. You also sigh, quite loudly, when you’re worried.”

If she could only see his face, she would have found that her words were right on the mark.

“You ever thought about becoming an intelligence officer, Erso?”

She laughed quietly, but turned her head just slightly, staring straight through him. Her voice lowered as if telling a secret, “Well, it also helps that Healer Ames has a bit of a thing for you, Captain Andor.”

Her smirk turned into a full blown smile. “They also may have broadcasted the news of your landing over the comm system.”

She continued in her teasing, “Since we docked and I was brought here, I’ve heard that woman speak of nothing but the legends of the honorable and incredibly dashing Cassian Andor.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she covered her mouth so only he could hear, “She even admitted to secretly hoping she could treat you in event of a medical emergency. I’d watch yourself if I were you.”

A deep chuckle sounded from the doorway. Her eyes shot to the source, knowing it was not Cassian. Her face sobered and she stood shakily, hand reaching for the bed to support herself. She looked frantically toward Cassian, trying desperately to see the figure standing next to him. He couldn’t be sure if her eyes were glassy from the injury or if tears were threatening to fall.

“Cassian?” she whispered, “Who was that?”

Both men stood in silence, watching as Jyn took tentative steps forward, arms outstretched, like a child searching for safety in the darkness.

“Cassian, please,” she begged brokenly.

Cassian stepped forward and grasped her icy hands in his own, squeezing them tightly as he led her to the other end of the room. He placed her hands into the waiting palms of the man who’d walked in with him. They were warm and calloused, shaking just as hard as hers were.

She didn’t ask again, only stretched out her hands toward his face, hesitant, as if asking permission. The hands grasped hers once more and brought them to his face. As she traced ever so slightly, she processed all of the possibilities in her head of how this could be. Her hand hit something hard as she reached above his eyes. A set of goggles resting just above his forehead.

Her face crumpled as she brokenly whispered his name.

“Bodhi?”

She felt his nod as she still had a grasp on his face. Throwing her arms around his shoulders she buried her face in his flight suit. Her breaths came in short gasps as she held tightly to him, afraid if she let go, she’d wake up and it would only be a dream.

“I would ask how you are, but I see you’re a little worse for wear,” he teased gently, his voice muffled by her shoulder.

She pulled back, her already irritated eyes looking far worse than when they arrived. But her sweet smile dashed his concern. She had so many questions, but for now she was just content to have them both near.

Jyn turn toward Cassian, reaching for his hands. She pulled him close, much like she had Bodhi, her hand gripping tightly to the collar of his jacket behind his neck.

“Thank you.”

He returned the embrace, noticing her trembling frame. He pulled her back and chided her gently, “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

“Will that include your explanation of why I got stuck with your mission to Hoth?”

His silence was all the answer she needed.

“It wasn’t hard to figure out, Cassian. Your crew made sure to remind me every step of the way that I was not their commanding officer.”

His comlink chirped, alerting him that he had spent more time in the medbay than he’d intended.

“Listen, Bodhi and I have to report to the Command Center. But I’ve been told there is someone who’d very much like to meet you. Are you up to breaking out of here for a little while?”

Her hand reached out, capturing Bodhi’s arm, tucking it into the crook of his elbow. The man winked teasingly at Cassian as they turned to leave.

He walked out, quietly trailing the pair. “I guess that would be a yes,” he said quietly, laughing under his breath.

 

* * *

 

This loss of vision was quickly becoming old. Already two days and she could still only see flashes of light. As she walked through the hall with Bodhi and Cassian, she could almost feel the stares. At one point she stumbled, trying in earnest to keep up with Bodhi’s long gait. As soon as her foot caught she felt Cassian grab her from behind, steadying her with his hands on either side of her waist.

“Alright?”

She didn’t answer, her face flush with embarrassment as his hands still held her. She pulled away, but he didn’t press as they continued walking.

As they entered the room, Jyn stood nervously between the two men. She could feel Cassian’s hand resting a hairsbreadth away from her back, keeping guard lest she lose her balance.

Cassian’s deep voice startled her. “Sergeant Jyn Erso, let me introduce you to Princess Leia Organa.”

Jyn was sure her face would have burned with embarrassment had it not already taken on a crimson hue from the blast. Her hands were quickly picked up by ones much smaller than her own. Their grasp firm and strong.

“It is a pleasure to meet you. Your boldness in leading the strike against Scarif was admirable. Each of us owes you a great debt of gratitude.”

Jyn lifted her head and met the Princess’ gaze as best she could.

“Thank you for your kind words, but I feel that they are not necessary. I cannot take credit for events that were set in motion by the actions of my Father in his attempt to protect me.”

Leia smiled sadly at the woman, not much older than she, who’d also been forced into a life of turmoil at the center of a battle much larger than the two of them. She looked toward the men flanking Jyn on each side. Putting on her best diplomatic smile she offered a suggestion.

“Mr. Rook, I do believe if you are to aid us in our strike against the Empire that you will need to get suited up. I believe General Dodonna will be starting the meeting very soon,” Turning her eyes on Cassian, she smiled softly, “Captain Andor, if you would be so kind as to confirm the members of High Council will all be in attendance?”

He knew that each of them would already be there, and he knew she did as well. But he could take a hint.

“Yes, your highness,” he leaned his head down in a mock bow as he smirked at her.

She glared at him as he left. She’d told him long ago to never use titles with her. As leaders in the Rebel Alliance, they’d seen far too much to stand on ceremony.

She turned back to Jyn, leading her to sit in one of the command center chairs. “Now that we’re divested of your security detail, we can actually talk without being stared at. I’m sure you feel at a disadvantage not being able to see. How are you feeling, by the way.”

“It’s more of an inconvenience than an injury. I’m sure it speaks of my ineptitude as a leader.”

Leia smirked, “Or the incompetence of your crew. Believe me, I understand trying to earn respect from men twice your age. Don’t hold your breath.”

Jyn couldn’t contain her laughter, it had been so long since she’d done so.

Jyn’s face turned serious. “I just wanted to say I was sorry for your loss.”

It seemed like such a platitude, cold and impersonal. How did you express your sympathy for someone who’d lost their entire planet?

“I just wish there was something I could have done. Sought my father out sooner, instead of running from every memory of him. Offered to exchange my life for his, then perhaps the Death Star would have never been completed, never capable of destroying so much life.”

Tears dripped down Jyns face, Leia’s a mirror image.

Leia pondered aloud, “I wondered once, what my father would have done on my behalf. If my life was threatened, would he have sacrifice the greater good of the Rebellion to save me? I think he would have. No one else may have thought my life was worth that much, not even the Rebel Alliance, but he would have.”

How was this woman able to comfort her when it should have been the other way around?

“Let me share something with you.”

Jyn started to calm at the gentle sound of the Princess’ voice, “In the beginning stages of the Alliance, most of the Senators who were against Emperor Palpatine were fearful of openly expressing their aversion to him. They were certain that their small number would be no match to publically denounce him. A few years ago my Father, and the other senators who were willing to stand against Palpatine, were lured by a man named Marek out into the open. At the time they believed him to be an ally. He was really an apprentice of Darth Vader, who had used him to gain the senators trust. They were taken to see the construction of what was then called the Imperial Planetary Ore Extractor.”

“The Death Star,” Jyn whispered.

“Marek, in turn, had been deceived by Vader, who had convinced him that they would use the rebellion to overthrow the Emperor. Marek ended up turning on his master, defeating Vader and allowing the leaders of the Rebellion to escape. Without him, we wouldn’t exist. His family crest is actually the symbol of the rebellion. It’s on every ship, the helmet of every x-wing pilot. A symbol to remind us that even the people who spend their entire life in darkness, doing the bidding of evil men, can find redemption. They can choose the right thing when it really matters. Just like your father…just like you.”

An announcement blared on the comm system, interrupting their talk and alerting all personnel that they would be initiating strike protocol shortly.

“Well, I guess it’s time. You’re welcome to join us for the strike team briefing. We’ll be going over the schematic plans your father drew up, complete with a built in weakness.” Her voice betraying a smile.

Jyn nodded with a sad smile on her face, “I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Injecting Rogue One Characters post-Scarif is quite the challenge. I want to try and stay as close to canon as possible as it concerns Original Trilogy characters and events. Hope that came across.


	3. Chapter 3

Jyn startled as a drop of water splashed across her face in the first moment of peace she’d had since the destruction of the Death Star. Abandoning her usual dark and cold hiding places, she opted for a spot no one would think to look. High atop the ziggurat was where she settled. From below, its height seemed to reach to the heavens, or at least close enough to reach out and touch the planet above. The air was thinner, but a blessed coolness blew above the dense forest below. She pulled at the collar of her uniform, looking forward to the moment she could strip from the uncomfortable garment and replace it with her fatigues. She sat with her back resting against the stone, legs out before her crossed at the ankles. The skin of her hands were almost raw from her constant wringing and picking. Her gloves sat abandoned in her quarters, packed up with the rest of her meager belongings. Like a security blanket she ached to put them back on, in an effort to hide the tremor they disclosed.

Face to sky, she welcomed the light rain as it fell, creating a mist as its cold temperature intermingled with the dense heat below. She quickly opened her eyes, fearing if she kept them closed it would transport her back to Wobani. Her dank prison cell would always drip with dirty water whenever she drifted to sleep.  

She could hear shouts and raucous laughter as it echoed off the heavy stone. She had escaped before the celebration started in earnest. Earlier in the day they had all stood in formation in the Grand Audience Chamber. Lower level officers in the back, pilots and soldiers in the middle, and high ranking officers in the front. She’d watched as Luke Skywalker and Han Solo, flanked by an exceptionally intimidating looking Wookie, strode down the stone path to the dais. Rumors floated around base about the newly honored heroes. Where they came from, how they rescued the Princess from the Death Star, and how they returned as some of the only survivors of the Battle of Yavin. Jyn had listened to the battle across the comm system, holding her breath like every other rebel fighter both on and off planet.

The faces around her had been hopeful, but her expression had mirrored none of it. She watched as Princess Leia awarded each one with a medal, a reminder of victory in battle amidst the continuation of an even greater war. When the ceremony ended, most of the rebels gathered for an evening of celebration.

Before she could exit the hall, another Sergeant who’d stood stock still to her left during the ceremony, made a crude comment as she passed. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t already heard. She was the reason the sacrifice of Rogue One crew was never publically honored. At least that was the rumor. Many in the Alliance still believed she was working both sides. If Galen Erso could build a superweapon for the Empire while earning sympathies from members of the Alliance, then why not his daughter? Jyn had quickly pushed her way out of the great hall and ended up here.

She could never see the sense in celebration in the middle of war time. Every minute they spent drinking and carousing with one another, the Empire was on the move. Even with the destruction of the Death Star and the resulting loss of life, the Empire still had greater numbers than the Rebellion, not to mention a bigger fleet and control of more trade routes.

The sound of small rocks and dust falling from the structure above brought her attention to the small alcove she’d crawled through. A familiar figure appeared in the entryway.

“You know, sometimes I doubt your skills as a spy, Captain,” her teasing bringing a small smile to his face.

He silently ducked out of the small opening and sat a few feet away from her. Much like she had just done, he lifted his face to the sky and ran his hand through his hair a few times as the mist coated his body.

“How’d you find me this time? Do I have a tracking device I’m not aware of?”

“And you doubt my skills as a spy,” he stated smugly.

Cassian closed his eyes and leaned against the stone at his back. Peeking in her direction he realized she was waiting for an answer.

“You can blame Bodhi. He and a few other pilots went up to scout for any remaining ships from the fleet that haven’t returned and to check for any distress signals. Turns out you get a good look at the top of the temple on the flight path.”

She smiled politely and closed her eyes, weighing her next words. “So what brings you up here? Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

Cassian kept his eyes shut as he answered, “It didn’t seem appropriate after Scarif, why should it be now?”

Jyn looked over at the man whose thoughts seemed to mirror her own. His head was turned toward her, arms crossed at the chest. His hair was plastered across his forehead, droplets running down his face, much the way it had when he returned to the ship after the traumatic events on Eadu. Except this time there was nothing kept hidden from her. No clandestine missions or ulterior motives. Just him.

He caught her staring and teased, “I see your eyes are doing much better.”

Jyn blushed furiously and looked back at her hands in her lap. His quiet questioning changed the subject.

“Mind telling me what really happened on Hoth?”

“Like you haven’t already read the report?” she shot at him, not wanting to discuss it.

Cassian’s hand ran through his hair before dropping it to the back of his neck to rub the tense muscles there.

“I did. But I wasn’t really convinced of its accuracy.”

Jyn’s back straightened and the movements of her body screamed with suppressed anger. “I was the leader of the mission, Cassian. Anything that happened, whether intentional or accidental, is my responsibility.”

Cassian laughed under his breath at her response. It was a cop-out if there ever was one. She reminded him of himself when he’d first been put in leadership. It was the mark of a great leader, to assume responsibility of your men at all costs. He figured if it was serious enough to warrant attention, she’d ask for it.

Scrambling for a way out, he changed his story. “I was actually referring to the part of the report about Hoth’s climate. You were quite complimentary about a planet whose temperatures make my home planet look like a tropical island.”

She smiled at his horribly conceived lie.

It was Jyn’s turn to question him, turning serious, “That’s why it was your mission, then? Because you’re familiar with adapting technology to frigid temperatures?”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly on Fest long enough to develop those skills, but the Alliance has their reasons, I guess.”

Jyn studied him, his well-schooled features hiding words he didn’t dare utter in front of her. Any weak-minded fool might be deceived, but she was not among them.

“I was supposed to go to Scarif. That was my mission, wasn’t it?” Where anger should have resonated in her heart, she found nothing of the sort. No wounded pride or stubbornness where it usually resided.

Jyn watched for the tell-tale sign that she was right. His face flinched, just slightly, as if he was turning his head to listen closer for someone approaching. It was the same sign she’d seen on his face on Eadu, when she accused him of attempting to kill her father, and lying to her about the purpose of their mission.

“I told them to send me because you weren’t ready to go back, not after everything that happened. I told them you were emotionally compromised.”

He prepared himself to take the brunt of what would prove to be a murderous diatribe, but it never came. Whatever response he was expecting from her, this was not it. He expected the Jyn Erso that had come out of the back of a turbo-tank, taking out multiple officers with nothing but her bare hands and a shovel. But she just sat there in silence, which was becoming a bit unnerving.

“As much as I’d like to think you would enjoy presenting me before the Alliance leaders like a frightened child who’s scared of the dark and in need of a good cry, I don’t believe you. Try the truth this time.”

Cassian admitted, “They didn’t want to send a senior officer on the mission to Scarif.”

She smiled sadly at his veiled attempt to soften the real reason. “Because I’m expendable.”

It was not a question, just a simple fact.

Cassian’s chest squeezed painfully at her choice of words. Had he not thought the very same thing on Jedha? His sole reason to search the holy city was to find Saw Gerrera and locate the Imperial defector. When he frantically looked for her after they’d been separated, the thought had crossed his mind. Why had he been worried after her? The completion of his mission had been in sight without her, which meant she was dispensable.

It bothered him, even now, that so many others still felt that way about Jyn. But one glance at her showed that she took it for what it was worth and moved on.

He realized how little he really knew about her. She had only wanted the truth from him, no matter how hurtful it might be. She deserved that much, and he was a fool to try and keep it from her.

“I’m glad you found Bodhi,” she said, breaking him out of his wonderings. Her soft response pulling the first real smile he’d seen in a while.

“I’m sorry you got hurt,” was his reply.

“Well, I’m doing much better, and we have Healer Ames to thank for that.” Jyn winks at him as she adds, “she gives you her best.”

The rain that had once felt cool and refreshing was beginning to set in to a bone-chilling cold. Their dress uniforms were not made to absorb this much moisture. Cassian wasn’t sad in the least, ready to get out of the suffocating ensemble.

“New orders yet?” he mumbled.

“Nothing major, not for a few weeks yet. After transport lands us on Hoth, I’ve got a couple weeks on patrol, a few odd and end jobs on base, and then we’re going on a diplomatic mission with a member of High Command.”

She watched as his eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m just the security detail. No member of High Command would dare send me on a mission that depended on my diplomacy skills.”

Cassian’s laugh echoed off the stone temple, startling her and causing her to laugh just as hard. If it took ribbing at her own expense to make him laugh like that, she’d be sure to do so more often.

“What about you?”

He smiled politely, “Classified.”

She rolled her eyes at the answer she should’ve seen coming. The Rebellion would always be Cassian’s first love, and he would always be faithful to a fault.

Jyn stood slowly, bracing herself against the slippery rock. She offered a hand to Cassian. “How about a drink, Captain?”

He gripped her hand tightly as she pulled him up, “I guess I could be persuaded.”

 

* * *

 

 

If there had ever been a good time to defect from the Rebellion, now was probably it. The blast doors closed with a rumble behind Jyn as she reported in at the South entrance of the base. Echo Base, aptly named for the way sound bounced of its icy walls, was miserable. Pulling her goggles from her face to rest on her head, she dusted the remaining snow from her clothes and set about finding a warm drink.

Cassian had checked in on the other end of the base and they’d agreed to meet afterward. She’d been surprised to find they were assigned patrols together. Well, not actually together, just on the same shift.

Taking a shortcut through the hangar, Jyn felt blessed warmth created by the movement of droids, generators, and mechanical equipment. A large freighter took up space amongst the x-wing fighters and T-47 air speeders. She wasn’t sure she’d actually seen the hunk of metal in question actually leave the confines of the icy base. Han Solo was hunched over on top of the Millennium Falcon, welding next to a panel directly above the boarding ramp. From below she couldn’t tell, but she’d guess hydraulic system repair based on the location.

As she walked past, a tool slipped from the top of the ship and fell to the icy floor below. Cursing, Solo pulled his protective eyewear up and glanced down at the offending tool. Spotting her below he barked frustratingly, “D’ya mind, sweetheart?”

His head nodded toward the instrument, silently asking her to hand it to him. Jyn had half a mind to throw it forcefully back up at him, or pass by as if she hadn’t heard him, but she’d been reprimanded more than once in the past few weeks for her less than stellar communication skills. Last thing she wanted was to be chastised for insulting a war hero, no matter how much it may have been deserved. 

Quickly scaling the ladder, she put the tool in his hand and made to climb back down.

“Have we met?” his curious stare making her nervous as he tried to place her.

“Not formally. Sergeant Jyn Erso,” she stated without emotion, not offering a hand in greeting.

He shook his head as he pursed his lips, “No. That’s not it.”

“Calaron Sector?” he questioned.

Jyn’s face blanched at the reference. She remembered, all right. They’d stolen a cargo hold full of spice that Solo had dropped after being boarded by Imperials. Silence gave him the confirmation he needed.

“Did you work under crime lords or were you just a bottom-feeder stealing off real smugglers?”

A lopsided grin spread across his face that made her uncomfortable.

She cleared her throat and pinned him down with a stare.

“Both. Whatever kept me furthest from the eyes of the Empire and the Alliance.”

“Yeah, you didn’t strike me as the respectable type,” he laughed as if giving her a compliment.

“I never claimed to be,” she offered simply.

“There must have been a pretty good reason to join up with the Rebellion if you’re willing to put up with this,” he gestured to the ice that surrounded him.

 Jyn braced her foot on the first rung of the ladder, “Well, it wasn’t for a reward, I can tell you that.”

The look that crossed Solo’s face almost made Jyn regret the harsh words that she’d thrown at him. It wasn’t long ago, she was in the same position as he. It didn’t matter the affiliation of client you worked for, as long as they paid the price when the job was done.

She had nothing against Solo, he was good at what he did, both as a smuggler and for the Alliance. But it was dangerous to be around him, as he reminded her of a life she’d left behind. It was a beckoning to run, to look out for herself, and commit to no one but the highest bidder.

She jumped the last couple rungs and quickly made her way down the icy cavern.

 

* * *

 

Cassian bowed his head over the warm cup of stimcaf in his hands. The steam warmed his cold skin as he attempted to rid the chill from his aching body. Across the table sat Bodhi, cradling his own cup. Cassian had recently been assigned to choose a team to investigate new trade routes and collect supplies for the base. He’d gladly chose Bodhi as his pilot, not only for his competence behind the helm, but also for his superior knowledge of Imperial trade routes and how to avoid them. Glancing over, Cassian was surprised at Bodhi’s physical reaction to the cold. The man couldn’t control his shaking.

“I would think someone who’d grown up on Jedha would have a pretty good tolerance to frigid temperatures.”

Bodhi took a drink from his cup before shooting Cassian an irritated look, “A warm home on a frigid planet is a little different than living in an ice cave only a few degrees warmer than the outside.”

Cassian chuckled at his friend’s misery. He couldn’t say much himself, it truly was a wretched choice for a base. Bodhi had been sitting at the table alone when he arrived, unable to sleep in the shared quarters. Due to the difficult and time-consuming nature of carving out space under the frozen ground, the Alliance had established few private quarters, opting instead to carve out large bunkers where several hundred troops would sleep at one time.

Steps approached the table and Jyn took a seat across from Bodhi and next to Cassian. “The electrical system is on the blink again. The South end of the base has no heat,” she complained as she rubbed her gloved hands together, blowing on them in hopes to heat them with her breath.

Cassian glanced her way, “The cold didn’t seem to keep you from having an intimate chat with Captain Solo.”

Her defenses immediately went up at his questioning tone. Just a few minutes earlier had been her first and only personal encounter with the smuggler. Whatever Cassian was insinuating was very far from the mark. The only thing his accusation told her was that he’d seen them, but hadn’t heard the conversation.

“Following me again, Captain?” she shot back.

His eyes blazed in answer, “Well, when its 2o minutes past your perimeter check-in time and you still haven’t shown up, I thought there was a possibility something was wrong.”

Jyn doubted his story. Her conversation hadn’t lasted long enough for him to fear for her safety. He had probably come looking for her but stopped in the hangar long enough hear part of the conversation, make his own assumptions, and then make it back here with enough time to chew her out.

“I wasn’t aware you two knew each other.”

Bodhi’s eyes shot from one to the other, quietly drinking his stimcaf and sitting back to watch a confrontation that was sure to end in someone’s demise.

“Calaron, is that right?” his tone dripping mockery.

Jyn’s hands turned to fists as she kept them at her sides in an attempt to stay calm. “We didn’t know each other before today, I’d only seen him in passing years ago.”

“He seemed to remember you.”

This was a side of Cassian she hadn’t seen since before Jedha. This Cassian was cold, calculating, and devoid of compassion. Maybe it was the depressing nature of the planet, or perhaps the lack of food and sunlight, but his countenance seemed manic.

“A year after Saw left me to fend for myself, I joined up with a spice trader who was looking for crewmen. It was a place to stay, and enough money to keep from starving to death. We came across a shipment of spice that had been dropped from a freighter who had a run-in with an Imperial cruiser. We took the shipment, and took the money. So, yes, I believe he would remember me, as well as the rest of the crew.”

She caught the look of disapproval on his face and bit back harsh words she was playing in her head.

He opened his mouth once more, “You planning on running too?”

Her chair toppled to the ground as she rose forcefully from her seat. Eyes ablaze, she pinned Cassian down with a look of contempt. “First of all, who I talk to and the choices I’ve made in my past are my business. I thought you, of all people, would have respected that boundary. The only reason I even spoke to Captain Solo was because he spoke first, and last time I checked, you and every member of High Command have been breathing down my neck to start being more _diplomatic_. I tried to get out of the conversation as soon as possible without being impolite. I was rushing because I wanted to spend time with the two of you before we all left on assignment.”

She leaned down, face inches away from Cassian’s, “And yes, Cassian. People like Han Solo make me want to run. But not in the way you think. His life reminds me of _what_ I left behind, and _why_ I left it behind. You said yourself that all of us have done horrible things in the name of survival, in the name of a cause we believed in. I stopped living that life because I found a group of people who loved me for who I was, and not what I could do to further their cause. But it’s conversations like this that make me question that belief.”

Cassian opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, “Next time you want to accuse someone, make sure you have your facts straight.”

Jyn walked around the table, leaned down and kissed Bodhi on the cheek. “Be safe, friend.”

He grabbed her hand and squeezed in response.

Turning away from the table she started to walk away. She nodded coldly toward Cassian, eyes glassy with unshed tears, “Captain.”

 

* * *

 

“And what about that,” Bodhi gestured with his hands in the direction Jyn had left, “seemed like a good idea to you?”

“I really don’t need this from you, Bodhi.”

“No, I think you do,” his face firm with frustration, “Look, Cassian. I know that everyone is exhausted, freezing, and questioning every second of everyday whether or not what we’re doing is making a difference. I don’t know what’s been going on between the two of you these last few weeks, but jealousy is not a good look on you, my friend.”

Cassian was silenced before he could speak by Bodhi’s raised hand. “She doesn’t deserve that. Least of all from you.”

Both men drank silently, Bodhi continuing to stare at a subdued Cassian whose hand rested on his forehead.

Bodhi broke the silence, “Galen said something to me, before I defected. It was one of the only times I ever saw life in his eyes. He told me that every choice he ever made was to protect his daughter. I know he believed that what he did was right, but you’ve seen firsthand what his choices did to her. I see the same look in her eyes that I saw in his. Every choice she makes is to protect the people she loves, and if you don’t know who those people are, then you don’t know her very well. She may be brash, stubborn, and closed off at times, but there is one thing she is not, my friend, and that is a tease.”

Bodhi put a hand on Cassian’s shoulder and turned to leave the room.

“Look Bodhi, I’m sorry.”

He smiled sadly, “It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”

Cassian knew running after her was a bad idea. If there was anything he’d learned about Jyn Erso it was that she needed space. He sat back at the table and leaned back in the chair, hands crossed over his chest. He always believed he was adept at controlling his emotions. Trouble was he was really only good at stuffing them down. It seems that in an effort to hide his feelings, his fear came spewing out as misdirected anger. Bodhi was right, it had been jealousy in its purest form. Jyn wasn’t the most social of creatures, and he had gotten used to her attention in a single focused direction. The thought of anyone infringing on that relationship created feelings in his heart he didn’t know what to do with.

Han Solo was everything he was not. Brash, spontaneous, and experienced…well, with women anyway. Cassian was steady, predictable, and truly inexperienced with the female persuasion.

Bodhi had put it into perspective for him. While he was stewing like a petulant child over a conversation he’d misread, Jyn had been trying in earnest to be respectful of his requests and be polite to the leadership of the Rebellion.

 

* * *

 

 

Cassian never got the chance to apologize before they both left Hoth. Jyn and her crew had left hours before their scheduled departure due to expected meteor showers in their predicted flight path.

He and Bodhi, along with the rest of their flight crew, had now been in hyperspace 5 hours longer than planned. A straight path was always faster, but with increased Imperial patrols and minimal Alliance controlled airspace, they doubled their stops and made frequent, shorter jumps through space to throw anyone off their route.

Derra IV was their destination, and it was imperative the Empire had no knowledge of the location. For years it had been a holding place of supplies for the Rebel Alliance. Regularly scheduled convoys would collect and drop off desperately needed rations and building supplies. Cassian had orders to meet their unnamed contact planet-side in an hours time, under the guise of a contracting freighter out of Seltos, on a hasty trip to deliver lumber, and pick up various supplies in return as payment.

Cassian looked to his left as Bodhi spoke with the contact below.

He calmly exchanged credentials and was granted access to land. Pulling his headphones to circle his neck, he checked the landing gear.

“Anything suspicious?” he questioned him.

Bodhi laughed quietly, “Everything looks suspicious when you’re pretending to be someone you’re not,” his face turned serious as he looked at his copilot. “I can’t tell really. I’ve never been to this planet, so I have nothing to go on.”

Cassian nodded solemnly, “I’ve only been here a couple times, mostly early on. They usually send ground troops and low-level officers to reduce the likelihood of being discovered.”

“So they just send two of the most wanted men in the Rebel Alliance instead, brilliant plan.”

Both men laughed at the ease to which they were walking into danger.

Cassian sobered at the thought that Bodhi, himself, and Jyn, each had a hefty price on their head. He knew that Princess Leia had also been marked for death since her escape on the Death Star, the Alliance going so far as to forbid her to leave the base. Not that she had any intention of doing so, but it made him stop and wonder how the command officers decided whether the threat on your life was grave enough to warrant keeping you on base. Apparently for them, it was not.

 

* * *

 

 

As Bodhi and the other crewman began filling the cargo hold, Cassian pulled their contact aside. A middle-aged man, with tanned skin and greying hair, leaned down to speak with him. The man’s voice gave evidence to a smoking habit that had gone on far too many years. It’s rough sound grating on his ears as they spoke.

The man had 200 units ready for them to pack, but Cassian’s orders were to return to base with 500. When questioned, the man held up his hands in innocence.

“I can’t authorize more than 200 at a time, sir. Imperial cruisers are boarding any ships carrying large amounts of goods. They’ve put a hold on outgoing ships in this sector, and when scanned, if they are found carrying anything over 250 units of supplies, they’re flagged. I can’t take the risk of it being tracked back here.”

Cassian could see Bodhi’s eyes go wide. He’d heard the man’s warning, and he, more than the rest of them, knew what the Empire could do to a ship carrying supplies for the Rebellion.

His voice lowered as he questioned the man again, “Have you heard of any movements by the Empire? Any plans of reorganization?”

“Nothing more than rumors, sir. They’ve been sending out surveillance droids to several planets. I’ve heard a few contacts report they’d come across them. They have their means of getting information, and I don’t think it will be long before they make an appearance.”

Cassian smiles unconvincingly, as if he hasn’t heard the man’s intel. “I’ll notify High Command of Imperial movement in the area. They may be sending other ships in the coming weeks, we’re pretty low on rations. We’ll be in touch.”

The men quickly retreated to the ship after their rations were loaded. As the ship was warming up, Cassian rubbed his eyes in frustration.

“The Empire has its hands in more sectors than we originally thought. We don’t have enough eyes on this part of the Rim to travel safely.”

If the Empire had been stopping ships for some time in a location that had scouts from the Alliance, how had they not heard anything before now? And what other parts of the Outer Rim were unsafe for travel?

 

* * *

 

Jyn had cleaned, checked, and rechecked her blaster at least 50 times since they boarded the ship. After walking every square inch of the transport and performing multiple safety checks for bugs and potential surveillance, she deemed it safe for boarding. So far, security detail was one of the most boring jobs Jyn had the misfortune of being ordered.

They were assigned to escort Major Harinar, a materials analyst and member of High Command, to an undisclosed location to meet with a contact concerning Imperial weapons construction. From what Jyn had observed, he was much like her Father. He had a passion for technology in its purest form. He knew how it worked, how it could be manipulated, but more importantly, how it could be combated.

Jyn could feel the ship drop out of hyperspace, the familiar hum of lightspeed reverting back to the rumble of open space. If she remembered correctly, this was their second stop before one last jump to their destination. The ship shook unnaturally, knocking a couple crewman to the floor who had just removed their straps. The comm system crackled to life and Jyn prepared herself for news that would most certainly put them off schedule. It wouldn’t be surprising to encounter meteor showers, asteroid fields, or even the occasional mix-up with a smuggling freighter. Tightening her blaster holster on her hip, she released the straps from her shoulder, looking to make sure everyone was okay.

A noticeably shaky voice spoke over the comm,

“We have a Code 4, secure the ship, prepare for boarding.”

Jyn’s heart dropped to her stomach, her hand shaking as she gripped her blaster. She met the gaze of the other security officer as he pointed to the hallway with his blaster. He would move toward the cockpit and she would go toward the sleeping quarters where Harinar was located. Jyn knew the seriousness of what was happening. This was no check for weapons or goods, no trade group looking for illegal activity by smugglers. A Code 4 was a distress call they used to report an Imperial ship, notably a Star Destroyer. As she made her way to the back of the ship she could hear the sounds of the tractor beam as it seized control of their ship. The power on the freighter had been disabled, nothing but generated power from the ship’s reserves lit the hallway. She met Harinar and two other crew members at the back. She motioned them to follow behind her, a finger to her lips to bid them to be silent. Nothing but the sound of shallow breathing met her ears. Both security officers urged the crew members to a small room next to the cockpit. It boasted the heaviest blast doors and would supply the crew with weaponry. They both knew it was pointless to take on a Star Destroyer, but she was following protocol, and she was trying desperately to keep herself from panicking.

The ship stopped moving as she felt the hull land on solid metal. Orders were being giving, voices shouted from outside, but the space between them and the Imperials was too great to make out what was being said.

Jyn and three others flanked the hallway, facing the entry ramp and pointing their blasters forward. She could feel the chill of her kyber crystal as it lay against her chest. Her eyes glazed as she heard a familiar voice in her head repeat an unsettling mantra.

She looked to her crewman and nodded solemnly. They all knew the protocol when captured by the Empire. This was it.

The ramp lowered and Jyn could hear multiple sets of boots as they ascended. A familiar cape of white billowed in her sight, followed by shiny black armor. Hands shaking as she aimed her blaster, she audibly whispered the mantra that coursed through her mind.

_“I am one with the force, the force is with me.”_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In regards to the timeline of the trilogy, I know it's moving a bit brisk. If I were true to form, there would be a 2-3 year storyline in between ANH and ESB. So for the sake of this story, we are shortening the time in between. Please bear with me on that! Other than the time between films, the story should flow quite close to the events of the trilogy. Hope you're enjoying this story! Feel free to leave a comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in update my friends. There are many direct quotes taken from the novelization of Rogue One, as well as ESB. I do not own the characters or the script, just borrowing them for a time. There are mentions of torture, nothing too graphic, as well as minor character death, so just wanted to provide a warning if any out there suffer from specific triggers.

_“Why do people fight?” she asked her Father as she lay comfortably under the warm blankets on her bed. She knew it was past her bedtime, but she couldn’t sleep when she heard raised voices coming from the next room. The bed depressed as he sat next to her, his hand brushing her hair behind her ear._

_He stared at the pillow to the left of her head, uncertain as to how to answer her._

_“That’s a good question. My friend Orson says some people just fight because they’re angry. But I think…” his voice trailed off as the voices grew louder beyond the door._

_“I think, usually, people are unhappy, and they don’t agree how to make things better.”_

_Jyn whispered in response, “Maybe they’d agree if they stopped fighting first?”_

_She felt his soft kiss on her forehead before he rest his head against hers. “Stardust. Don’t ever change.”_

 

She shivered as the warmth of the dream dissipated, her lips chattering as a new image appeared.

 

_Her hands were burning as they gripped the metal platform. Dead men lie strewn around her, many disfigured beyond recognition. Her vision blurred as cold rain stung her face as it fell in blinding sheets around her. Pushing her hair from her face, she spotted him._

_Crawling across the steaming metal she cradled him in her arms, like he had done so many times when she was young._

_“Papa, its Jyn.”_

_His eyes shone as he recognized her, “Stardust?”_

_Her anger toward him dissipated at the sound of that precious name._

_He grabbed at her, pleading in a pained whisper, “It must be destroyed.”_

_“I know, I’ve seen your message.”_

_His fingers, feather-light in their weakness, fumbled weakly against her cheek. His mouth moved, but no sound escaped his dry lips. He breathed in and expelled a last short breath._

_As she screamed for him to get up, a flash of white burned in her line of vision. Krennic stared, as if trying to place her. His face broke into an eerie smile, satisfaction at the scene laid before him._

 

Sweat poured down her face as struggled to escape the visions. Her hands were clenched so tightly her jagged nails pierced the sensitive skin of her palms. Her head tossed from side to side, banging against the cold metal of the cell as she fought the war in her mind.

 

_The vision of white remained. Her stomach revolted as she found herself high atop the Citadel Tower, her skin burning as her body hung precariously against the sun-scorched metal.  The structure shook as a TIE fighter screamed past, just meters from where she hung on. Pulling herself up, her vision blurred as an image she hoped to never see burned itself into her memory. The Death Star was here, and the ground would be swallowed up, and every living thing erased, just like Jedha._

_The familiar cape billowed before her as she pulled herself the rest of the way up. Ever the immovable object was he, appearing to destroy what precious few things she had left. He looked different than before. Haggard and beaten. The Imperial leader was alone. No army stood at attention behind him, no death troopers given word to end her life._

_“Who are you?” he bellowed._

_An icy stab to her chest caused her to gasp out loud. This monster who had torn her family apart. Who had killed her mother, and tortured her father. He had no idea._

_“Who are you?” he repeated, his voice harsh as his weapon aimed straight toward her._

_She stood proudly, for the first time in her life, ready to say her name without regret._

_“You know who I am. I’m Jyn Erso. Daughter of Galen and Lyra.”_

_His face paled at the confession, “The child,” he whispered._

_His aim remained steady, his mission clear, the end of her life and the end of hope for the Rebellion._

_…Something wasn’t right._

_A shot rang out, but the man in white did not drop. Darkness fell across her vision as white-hot pain ripped through her chest. She screamed as the shot burned through her chest._

Bright lights blinded her as a sharp metal object was pulled from her tender flesh. Her heart was racing and her muscles were squeezed painfully tight. Every part of her body felt beyond her control. She was trapped in inside with no means of escape. She could hear screaming bouncing off the metal walls of the cell block only to realize they were only an echo of her own cries as she had awakened from her dream-like state.

Her eyes turned nervously forward as a gloved hand stroked her face. Her limbs burned with a need to escape the touch, but she could only watch in abject horror as the Imperial officer leered at her. He said nothing, only taunted her with feather-light touches to the face and arms. He was tall and slender, his skin a sickly pallor. A droid hovered in the air not a few inches away. She stared at the instrument extended from its metal hand, realizing her blood dripped from it. The man’s mouth moved as he spoke words she couldn’t make out. He stood inches from her face, repeating his words, but all she could hear was high pitched ringing. His hand had stopped its ministration and wrapped tightly around her neck. Her head was slammed roughly against the wall behind her, vision blurring as pain blossomed at the base of her skull. She couldn’t keep her eyes open. Her lids drooped as she desperately tried to stay awake. The gloved hand struck her cheek.

The instant her head whipped to the side she felt her senses return. The ringing was replaced by a barrage of ear-piercing noises. Screams from outside the cell block. The heavy breathing of the Imperial as his hot breath brushed against her face. The hovering of the IT-O Droid as it stared emotionless at her side. Her pulse beat loudly in her head like a drum beat reverberating in an echo chamber.

Every nerve ending in her body was hypersensitive. She could feel the slightest whisper of air as it brushed the hair on her arms. Her clothes felt like sandpaper against her skin as it brushed each time she took a breath. Pain radiated from her chest, but she hadn’t the strength to look down and survey the damage.

“I’m growing tired of your theatrics, Ms. Erso.”

It shouldn’t have been surprising to her that they knew who she was. They were the ones who’d put a bounty on her head in the first place.

Her head snapped up as he took a fistful of hair and twisted it painfully at the tender spot above her neck. His face mere inches from her own, she could smell his putrid breath as it blew against her skin.

“You know how quickly this can all end. You will all be released with no further harm if you would simply tell us what you know.”

Jyn whimpered as he pulled harder at her scalp. She knew better than to trust anything the officer told her. She knew desperate men offered a great many things, but the rush of power from breaking a prisoner would surely make those promises disappear.

“Surely you don’t have that much love for the Rebellion,” his eyes roaming her up and down, “The daughter of one of our most _honorable_ associates. What have they done that is so much more _honorable_ than the Empire.”

His hand released her hair as it trailed down her bare shoulder. They must have taken her coat when they boarded the ship. Her gloves, socks, and shoes had also been removed. She knew their game. Offer as little comfort as possible. They kept the prison block freezing, no heating units anywhere in sight. It was as if they were being exposed to deep space itself. She wore nothing but her charcoal grey pants and threadbare tank top. The kyber crystal lay exposed on her chest, the chill from the stone causing her skin to prickle. She longed to hold in in her hands, the contact always seeming to warm her, though the stone never changed its temperature.

The Imperial’s hand drifted further to the chain around her neck. He lifted the crystal in his hand and studied it.

“The ultimate power of destruction in the universe and you wear it as if it will protect you. I can assure you, it will do no such thing.”

He pulled at the chain until there was no remaining slack. The sharp metal began to cut into her neck. The droid moved closer, a needle drawn on its side. Her breathing became unevenas her body fought against the oncoming intrusion. She heard questions being fired at her, she had heard them before. Like a refrain they repeated in her head.

_Where is the rebel base?_

_What is the purpose of your diplomatic mission?_

_Who are you protecting?_

No matter how many times she tried to retreat to her cave, her attempts proved futile. Each time she approached its entrance it was blocked, leaving her in a desperate panic to find a place to hide.

Her eyes rolled back into her head as the man tightened his grip on the chain around her neck. One of her hands fought to pull at the object that sought to cut off her air supply. A sharp pinch followed by an icy burning in her veins caused her hand to drop back to her side. The questioning voice faded as the visions returned.

 

_She found herself kneeling on the beach, black soil covering her fingers as she dug them into the ground. Looking up she saw the white homestead, stark in its contrast amongst the green, brown, and black colors of Lah’mu. She hurried to peer inside, finding her parents laughing quietly at the table. There were no looks of concern or fear, no feeling of imminent danger. It took her only a moment to notice something was missing. No toys strewn about the kitchen table, none of her clothes hanging out to dry alongside her mother’s robes. None of the small tools her father had made her for studying rock and land formation rest beside his work space. Running as fast as she could, bracing herself for the sound of the dreaded ship breaking through the atmosphere, she came to an outcropping of rock. Locating the substantial covering, she placed her hands along the sharp rubble to expose her hidden place. Fear squeezed at her chest as the rock refused to move. There was no longer a place to hide._

_The ground around her started to shake, as if an act of nature was causing its very foundation to crumble. She looked up to find the face of her cellmate from Wobani. The rocking of the turbo-tank shaking the last memories of Lah’mu away. The familiar tentacles protruded from Kennel’s face as she stared straight ahead._

_If she had any plans on killing her once they stopped she showed no signs of it._

_The turbo-tank drove on, the slight rocking on the uneven ground making her groggy. Something was wrong. They weren’t stopping. No shouting outside, no high pitched whining of a detonating grenade hitting the front of the transport. No explosion of fire and smoke, and no one calling out her name._

_Just the gentle sway of the tank as it drove further away from hope of rescue._

 

Her cheek burned as an open hand bruised the wind-burnt skin of her face. The grip on her neck grew tighter as the chain of her necklace continued to cut off her oxygen.

 

_She felt shoulders brush against her roughly as people pushed her out of the way. She looked around to find shacks stacked on top of each other, row after row of arms dealers, food distributors, illegal traders, and beggars of every kind. The air was filled with the smells of rotting food, excrement, and burning metal. Her eyes teared as the sickening scent overwhelmed her. She started to walk, pushed by the crowd like a fish lost in a strong current. She’d been here once before, long ago. Saw had sent her with a few soldiers to make contact with an Imperial informant. She couldn’t remember the details of the information they were required to obtain, her only job had been to keep watch and silence anyone who hindered the mission._

_Her head dropped as Stormtrooper glanced her way, seemingly paying her no mind. She turned down a darker alley in hopes of escaping exposure. She could hear the whispered conversation of two men as they grew louder and more anxious._

_“An Imperial pilot, one of the cargo drivers on the Jedha run? He defected yesterday.”_

_She couldn’t make out the response of the other man._

_“This pilot? He says he knows what the Jedha mining operation is all about. He’s telling people they’re making a weapon. The kyber crystals, that what they’re for. He’s brought a message, says he’s got proof.”_

_She could not place the other man’s voice, it was gruff and cold, calculating in its response._

_“What kind of weapon?” he asked._

_“A planet killer,” he whispered in fear, “That’s what he called it.”_

_Her blood ran cold at its mention, and even more so when she heard them utter her father’s name._

_Stormtroopers rounded the corner and she crouched down to hide herself in the dense alley. They asked the men for identification and she listened to the sounds of shuffling, as the men were trying to locate them. Two successive shots rang out as metal armor hit the ground. The sound was muffled, almost imperceptible save for the flash of light and slight electrical discharge._

_Jyn turned the corner to find a familiar figure with his back turned. Donned in all black, he looked every bit the intelligence officer. His hand lifted again as he shot the man in front of him without hesitation. Putting the blaster back in its holster, he turned toward her._

_For a moment they just stared at one another._

_Jyn was shocked at his appearance. Sweat dripped down his face as it gleamed in the artificial light. Dirt tracked down his cheekbones, displaying a gaunt soldier in desperate need of sleep and a good meal. His eyes were lifeless, seemingly unaffected by the display of violence that had just taken place. The slight tremble in his hand gave him away._

_“Cassian?” she whispered._

_He didn’t acknowledge her as she called his name. He started towards her, his mission evident. Before she could turn away he grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her against the wall. Her hands went up to grab at his wrists, trying desperately to push him away._

_His large, calloused hands went to her neck as he squeezed painfully. Tears dripped down her face as she tried to whisper his name. His eyes bore through hers, seeing her as only an object standing between him and his freedom. He questioned her in a harsh voice, squeezing harder each time she failed to answer._

_His voice began to change and Jyn’s body went still as her legs gave out beneath her. Closing her eyes for brief respite, she opened them to find herself back in the prison block._

The Imperial officer, angered once more at her silence, ripped the chain from her neck and threw it against the metal grating. She could feel her throat beginning to swell. The officer’s comlink chirped as he bit back a curse.

“Don’t worry Ms. Erso, we will continue our little chat momentarily.”

The door behind him opened and he hurried out, leaving the droid to stand guard until he returned. The feeling in her limbs was slowly returning and with it, increasing pain. As the door slid shut the room was plunged in darkness, she curled up on the cold metal and covered her ears with trembling hands.

 

* * *

 

 

“You sent a convoy to Derra IV?”

Cassian was livid as he stared down an unfazed General Draven.

“I received your transmission and made an executive decision. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but you hardly brought enough rations to keep this base from starving. The Hopskip is currently inbound from Corellia and have already planned a drop. We have no intelligence to support your claims of Imperial boarding in the area except for the word of a single contact.”

Cassian knew there were bigger things at stake than soldiers missing a few meals. If their ships were captured and boarded, it was only a matter of time before they made their way to Hoth.

“I’m really not sure why you even ask my opinion as an operative, seeing as the information I report back is never taken into consideration anyway,” his usual look of stoicism had been replaced with white-hot anger, tired of being placed in harm’s way by a more highly decorated officer spitting out orders from the safety of a secured base. “It is one thing to send one or two ships, but more than ten"

He stared hard at the proud General, "Does Rieekan share your sentiments?”

Cassian knew full well the convoy must have been deployed not long after he got word back to Draven. They hadn’t even broken atmosphere in Hoth before the they'd left.

He couldn’t help but think of his orders on Eadu. He hadn’t known until he returned and debriefed that the change in plans was solely Draven's idea and had not been approved by High Command.

“General Rieekan is far more concerned about meteorites interfering with his transmissions than a cargo retrieval from Derra IV.”

He looked toward the docking bay behind him as if he’d heard someone call his name, “Now if you’ll excuse me, Captain.”

 

“Cassian!” Bodhi’s voice echoed across the ice, his volume betraying his distance away.

The man’s eyes had a wild look to them. His breathing was shallow and his hands braced themselves on his knees as he bent to catch his breath.

“Major Harinar’s ship never made it to checkpoint. They should have been there almost 3 days ago. I overheard someone in the command center speaking with their contact.”

Cassian couldn’t shake the fear that began to settle in his stomach. His last conversation with Jyn began to replay through his mind. He never replied to Bodhi, only pushed past him on his way to command.

 

* * *

 

He walked into the room to find it bustling with activity. The usual calmness had escalated, a battle-ready hum had occupied the space.

General Dervis stood near the radar, eyes tracking objects he couldn’t identify. Before Cassian could speak, the General held a hand up in silence.

“Andor, if you’re here about the convoy to Derra IV, take a number.”

“No, sir. I was actually looking for information concerning the Harinar mission.”

The General turned around at that, studying Cassian’s face to gauge how much he knew. “I’m not going to ask how you knew about that mission, Captain, though I’m sure I could venture a guess. Let’s assume for the sake of this conversation that it isn’t classified.”

Dervis rubbed a weary hand across his face, hours of standing next to a brightly lit screen taking a toll on his already aching head.

“The team’s location is currently unknown. But you know, as well as I, that it is no cause for panic. Missing a checkpoint or failing to send a transmission could be as simple as a power loss or a meteorological storm.”

“Or something as serious as Imperial capture,” Cassian muttered under his breath.

A commanding voice spoke from the other side of the room. “Gentlemen, while the whereabouts of the ship is of great concern, I’m afraid our focus is needed elsewhere.”

General Rieekan’s subdued tone gave him pause. But nothing prepared him for the news that followed.

“A huge force of TIE fighters jumped Commander Narra and the convoy off Derra IV. Cut them to pieces. There were no survivors.”

The three men stood in silence as soldiers and officers bustled around them, many unaware of the tragic loss of life that had just taken place. Rieekan raised his head, his posture straight, as if standing in formation. Clearing his throat of emotion he turned to Dervis, “Contact every member of High Command. Notify them of the loss at Derra IV. Any members not currently off planet for diplomatic duties are to stay put and be advised that travel should be avoided at all costs. We are not accepting any unauthorized ships into the Hoth system at this time.”

Turning toward Cassian he continued his orders, “Captain Andor, I need an updated list of able-bodied soldiers, pilots, and officers who were not part of the lost convoy. We will need to reassign positions and reorder security. See to it that this base is prepared for evacuation protocol at a moment’s notice, is that clear?”

“Yes, sir.”

Cassian nodded in affirmation but before he could turn to leave, the General caught his attention.

“I’ll see what I can find out about the Harinar mission, but I can’t make any promises.” 

As he turned to exit command, a voice yelled for Reeikan’s attention.

“Sir, the Princess is requesting your presence, they’re picking up an unidentified transmission.”

The General hurried out of the room as he and Cassian parted ways.

Cassian fully intended to follow Reeikan’s orders, dereliction of duty was not a thought he entertained. He just couldn’t shake the feeling that Jyn and the rest of her team was in danger. He thought back to the capture of Leia’s ship, the loss of the Death Star plans, and the dramatic rescue that came after.

But in this case there would be no such attempt. They were all on their own.

 

* * *

 

Jyn was being led down a long hallway. Hands twisted painfully behind her back, she was prodded every few seconds to walk faster. Her vision was obscured by a thick hood placed over her head. Stopping suddenly, she was unprepared when they shoved her to her knees. Removing the hood, she was surprised as she looked around.

This was no Star Destroyer. In fact, it wasn’t much bigger than the ship they’d arrived on. It was also the first time she was given a clear view of the officer who held them captive. Full white uniform suggested Imperial Intelligence. The ostentatious cape and personal vendetta suggested he was a former colleague of Krennic. Wrenching her face to the side, the officer forced her to look at what remained of her crew.

Harinar was missing, as was their copilot, security officer, and two other crew members. What remained was a bruised and bloody trio. The pilot, Harinar’s aide, and a mechanical officer kneeled just across the room from her. They looked to be in a similar state as she. Bruises littered their faces, contusions appearing on their arms and chest, and blood dripping from the nose and ears. A split lip, a laceration above the brow, and wounds of unknown origins.

Her eyes quickly raced to their arms, but she found no needle marks there. She desperately searched for a way to cover her own track marks, away from the prying eyes of her crew.

“I’m sure our other guests have grown tired of waiting for you Ms. Erso,” the officer offering her a sick smile, “It seems our dosages may have been slightly off for someone of your… _stature_.”

He bent down in front of her and traced her chin with his gloved fingertip. Jerking her face away she gasped in pain as her hair was pulled from behind. She had no doubt a trooper stood behind her, ever attempting to please his master.

“As much as I enjoy watching each of you scream and writhe in pain, I have to admit, it’s becoming a bit tedious. It’s been at least 3 days since I’ve had the pleasure of ending someone’s life, and I’d like to hurry this along.”

Another officer claimed his attention from the across the room.

“General, the Executor wants an update, do you want to respond?”

“No. Tell them we’ve found no traces of the rebels, but are widening our search area.”

Jyn’s eyebrows rose and the General did the same in mock surprise.

“Do you have any idea how valuable the information you are withholding is? I’m not interested in your rebellion, my dear. I am interested in what this will do for my career. Until I get what I seek, there will be no contact with _Vader_ ,” his voice dripping with disdain at the mention of the Imperial leader, “nor any other General, Admiral, or Moff.”

He walked behind each bound rebel as he continued his monologue.

“Do you know how Krennic got his position as head of the advanced weapons research division? How Tarkin rose into power to rival Vader himself? They watched as officers beneath them sacrifice everything for the greater good. They let us do the dirty work, then they ship us off on Imperial freighters destined to float aimlessly throughout the Outer Rim while they present their spoils to the Emperor. I grow tired of it.”

Stopping behind the aide, he pressed the tip of the blaster to the back of his head. The man immediately began to shake as tears ran down his face unchecked. He was no soldier, just a diplomatic assistant who found himself before the face of the enemy instead of across the room in a Senate hearing.

“Ms. Erso, let’s start with you, shall we? You provide me with the information I seek, or you will be responsible for the death of this _innocent_ man in front of you.”

Jyn kept a straight face, one might say mirroring indifference. This was their game. One man’s life for the betrayal of the entire rebel fleet. Little did the General know this would not be the first life taken on her account, nor would it be the last.

She gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head in defiance. She jumped as the blaster fired and reverberated like a small explosion in the small space. The man slumped forward, head slamming into the metal floor, hands still bound behind his back.

The General walked a few steps to stand next to his victim, his boot tip pressed against the man’s cheek to assure himself he was indeed dead.

“That’s a pity,” he stared hard at Jyn, “Did you even know his name? Is there a widow who will mourn him? Children who will now grow up fatherless?”

Her face paled at the thought. It was much easier to sacrifice the life of an unnamed man who held no associating to you or your cause. Much easier in theory to kill one man than betray an entire army.

With three of them remaining, the General turned to the pilot whose head remained bowed throughout the last several minutes. Grabbing the back of his head he jerked him forward to look up.

“You see that man across from you? Uniform suggests a lowly mechanic. Not much use in the grand scheme of things. Same rules for you. Tell me where the rebel base is located or he will be next.”

The blaster was aimed toward the mechanic whose head was held high. He faced the General without fear. The Imperial smiled at his willingness to die so senselessly.

No sooner had the pilot uttered his denial, the blaster fired, claiming another member of their crew. No one made an effort to remove the dead men from the center of the room. Blood filled the small circle, the metallic smell overwhelming Jyn as she choked back the need to empty her stomach.

“Last chance, Ms. Erso, we are back to you.”

The pilot’s eyes went wide in fear as he tried to meet her unwavering gaze. The General laughed as he took in the frightened man.

“You’ve realized your fate, have you not? Your life is in the hands of a murderous woman. The daughter of an Imperial mastermind. I know I don’t even have to ask. I’ll spare us all the suspense.”

Weapon pressed to his temple, the pilot stared at Jyn as she stared right back, her eyes endless pools of nothingness. As her head shook and the General’s finger pulled at the trigger a single word echoed throughout the room as it escaped the pilot’s mouth,

“Hoth.”

Jyn bid her face remain blank. It would do no good to support his claim, it would only confirm the truth of his confession The man had played right into the General’s hands.

“While I’d like to think your moment of weakness resulted in a factual concession, I am not easily convinced. The last time a high ranking member of the Alliance was captured, the information proved false.”

Turning to his guards he gave instruction, “Escort them to their ship. Put a trace on their movements.”

Turning to the two of them he grinned in hopeful anticipation, “You will lead us to the rebel base. If you deviate from the scheduled jumps, you will be tracked and your ship will be hunted down before being blown out of the sky. We will be deactivating your comm systems, so there will be no early warning to those planet-side. Let’s hope your little friends don't destroy you for failing to provide clearance."

 

* * *

 

Cassian found himself leaning against the door frame of the Command Center. The Princess, Reeikan, and the golden protocol droid stood close to a comm speaker in hopes of deciphering the encrypted message of an unidentified probe droid. Captain Solo and Wookie had just went out to investigate the strange black piece of machinery that stood out like a beacon amidst the blinding white snow. He listened as blaster fire could be heard across the comlink.

“Afraid there’s not much left,” Solo’s voice crackled across the line.

“What was it?”

“Droid of some kind. I didn’t hit it that hard. It must have had a self-destruct.”

Leia’s response was everything Cassian had feared.

“An Imperial probe droid.”

Solo confirmed the same, “It’s a good bet the Empire knows we’re here.”

General Rieekan nodded toward Cassian, “We’d better start the evacuation.”

 

* * *

 

 

No sooner had Cassian had started giving orders to group leaders, one of the security officers came running through the hangar.

“Captain Andor! We’re tracking an incoming ship, headed past Outpost Beta. Looks like one of ours.”

While Cassian’s hopes initially soared at the thought, their entry to Citadel Tower in a stolen Imperial aircraft crossed his mind. He wouldn’t put it past the Empire to commandeer their ship and infiltrate.

Passing off instructions to another officer, Cassian made for the South entrance. The words of the officer fading as he got farther away, _“Groups seven and ten will stay behind to fly speeders. As soon as each transport is loaded, evacuation…”_

 

* * *

 

It turned out the ship belonged to the rebels, but more importantly, its identifying markers bore the very same as ship that left with Harinar’s crew. Communication systems had been disabled, as well as their shields and weapons systems. Cassian couldn’t decide if the Imperials were aboard attempting to disguise themselves as wounded rebels, or if the remnants of the crew really did reside within.

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. The base was in shambles. Officers yelling out orders, mechanics scraping together what ships they still had serviceable, and ground troops donning their gear for an assault in the elements. Only Cassian and a few members of security personnel were present to inspect the ship. A vessel whose defenses were down and bore no signs of combat readiness did not rate high on the list of threats, even if it did arrive at the same time as an expected Imperial fleet.

As the ship lowered tentatively in an empty space at the edge of the docking bay, the landing gear hissed as pressure released against the frozen ground.

Blasters pointed forward, they waited anxiously for the ramp to drop. The pilot appeared at the top of the walkway with his hands outstretched before him.

“Identify yourself!” Cassian ordered as the man stood stock-still in fear. The man trembled, hands shaking uncontrollably.

His voice stuttered as he struggled to answer, “Captain James Reilen, sir.”

“How many remain of your crew, Captain?” Cassian could hear the desperation in his own voice as he questioned him.

“One member, sir. No other survivors.”

 With his heart slamming mercilessly against his chest, Cassian motioned for the man to come forward. He kept his gun pointed ahead as he waved the other men behind him to follow.

“Check every inch of this ship. Make sure there are no other passengers aboard, other than remaining crew. Scan for any tracking devices and weapons.”

Cassian walked with dread through the cold hallway of the ship. Blaster aimed forward, he feared what he would find behind each door. Reaching the cargo bay he was struck by the frigid temperature. His breath puffed out like smoke with each baited exhale. It was normal for this part of the ship to be cooler, but it felt as if the heating elements had been disabled along with other parts of the electrical system.

The sight of a dark head of hair hidden behind a pallet of supplies made him gasp audibly. She was strapped in a harness at the back of the ship, where the head engineer usually resided, head pitched forward like a rag doll.

Holstering his blaster, he inched toward her, panic clawing at his chest. As he knelt in front of her, he could hear a quiet wheeze as it painfully escaped her throat. Taking her in at a glance he was shocked at her state of dress. Her feet were bare as they hung lifeless just inches from the floor. The bottoms were covered with blood and dust, their paleness peeking out beneath the grime. Her torso covered only by a thin undershirt that did nothing to warm her chilled skin. Track marks peppered her arms, at least 8 or more on each one. Cassian pushed back the taste of bile as it rose in his throat, this was no time to lose his bearings.

Lifting his hand nervously toward her face he pushed back her hair as he whispered her name.

“Jyn? Can you hear me?"

Without her locks covering her face he was able to get his first real look at her. Sunken cheeks, black circles under the eyes, dry lips cut and split. Bruises covered her skin and multiple cuts had bled and dried, her hair caught in the stickiness.

"Jyn, open your eyes," he begged.

His hand drifted down to her neck, looking for a pulse to assure him she was still alive. When his hand brushed her neck he was horrified at what he found. The soft skin had been scraped raw. A ligature had been applied, but she had fought against it, evident in the pattern it left behind.

As he ran his fingers across the abused skin her eyes shot open and her hands gripped his wrists. It reminded him of the time he’d wakened her from a night terror, eyes betraying her to believe he was someone else.

The look in her eyes was heartbreaking. So much fear resided there. Her grip was tight but unsteady. Her hands trembled uncontrollably and her icy fingertips slipped as they fought to push him away.

“Jyn,” he whispered softly, “Look at me.”

Her beautiful eyes filled with tears of confusion, her weak body fighting in vain to protect herself.

“Do you know who I am?” he questioned gently, his shaking voice betraying his worry.

The tears dripped down her face as she answered brokenly, “Cassian.”

His chest squeezed at the beautiful sound. His next question pained him even more.

“Do you think I’m going to hurt you?”

A broken sob escaped her throat. Her head bowed down in shame as she attempted to shield herself from him.

What had they done to her?

“I’m sorry,” she whispered painfully.

He knew better than to believe her voice was dry merely from disuse or lack of water. This was the sound of a voice that had been subjected to screaming for hours on end. Muscles and veins had been compressed as she was choked.

Pulling his hands away in an attempt to calm her, he bent down to catch her frightened gaze.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

Giving her a gentle smile, his eyes darted to the doorway as the sound of a siren echoed through the hangar. “We’ve got to get you out of here, the base is under evacuation.”

“They followed us here,” she trembled as she stared past him.

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that the probe droid they discovered had most likely not come from the ship that had taken Jyn's crew captive. Though her belief they were being followed probably had validity.

Opening a storage locker, Cassian hoped they might contain the items he sought. He pulled out a pair of utility boots, cursing at their large size. Kneeling in the floor he loosened the laces before looking to her for permission to continue. She gave him a nod in affirmation before returning her gaze to her lap. He gently took her small foot and slipped it inside the shoe. His warm hands did nothing to ward of the chill of her icy skin. He tightened the laces row by row in hopes they’d stay on her feet long enough to find something more appropriate. As he took her other foot he felt her hand rest tentatively on the side of his head. He didn’t dare look up for fear of scaring her. He relished the feeling of her trembling fingers as they ran through his hair. After finishing the second shoe he glanced up to find her eyes closed as she continued her sensory pursuit.

He didn’t want to disturb her ministrations. He knew the reason behind the behavior. After being subjected to cruel hands that sought to destroy her mind and body, she needed to feel skin, to feel warmth. To connect with something living and breathing that did not seek to harm her. She craved comfort she was too fearful to ask for.

He squeezed her hand firmly before standing to release her harness. He made sure she was looking at him before he spoke, not wishing to startle her further.

“Just hold on to me if you feel like you’re going to fall.”

Divesting her of the harness, he gently held her arms beneath her elbows as she stood shakily. As she stood, her weight leaned heavily on him. Though her feet and hands had been chilled, he was worried to find her temple abnormally hot. She was clammy and shivers were coursing down her body. There were only two things he could think of that would cause that type of reaction. Infection and withdrawal. He needed to get her to medical as soon as possible.

Shedding his thermal jacket he gently pulled her arms into the sleeves, noting the instant her arms were covered her body relaxed.

Bodhi rounded the corner and watched as she tucked her head against Cassian’s side. His momentary joy at seeing Jyn turned to concern and then shock at her haggard appearance.  

“I’ve got to get to the North passage to meet up with Dervis. We're heading up the ground assault.”

Meeting Bodhi’s worried gaze over Jyn’s head, he gave him instruction.

“Get her to medical, they’re leaving with the first transport.”

She began to push weakly against his chest, mumbling a refusal as her breathing became increasingly shallow.

Ushering her into Bodhi’s gentle embrace he extracted himself from her grip. He knew it was bad because she wasn’t fighting him. Her body shook and her skin paled further. Her eyes glazed over and he knew it was only a matter of time before she lost consciousness.

He placed his hands on either side of her head and pressed a kiss to her fevered cheek. He whispered comforting words of another language Bodhi could not make out.

The gentle look he gave to her turned hard as he looked to Bodhi.

“I don’t care what you have to do, you get her on that first transport. Do you understand me?”

It was more of an order than a question.

“And make sure she isn’t alone, alright?” he added in a concerned tone.

Cassian took one last longing gaze before racing from the cargo hold. Bodhi held tightly to the woman in his arms, hoping with all he had in him they’d make it out alive.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you still hanging with me! You have my sincerest apologies for the time its taken to update. I wont bore you with the details! I hope you enjoy, and you know I always love hearing from each of you!

Cassian had always been a singularly focused man. Raised amidst the rebellion as a child of war, he couldn’t help but see only what lie directly before him. Looking behind offered only regret, ahead only confusion, but right in front of him was certainty.

_A footstep_

_A blaster shot_

_A direct order_

In them he found respite.

As the men around him lined the perimeter of the icy trench, strapping supplies to their backs and cradling weapons to their chests, he stood still, staring worriedly into the blinding snow. It was unbearably quiet. The freshly fallen snow was absorbing much of the sound, giving a false impression their enemy lie far off.

The ability to see what lie directly in front of him no longer offered the same comfort as before. The duty to protect his comrades no longer gave him consolation. His normally clear though processes betrayed him as his stood immobile in his apprehension.

It was rare his thoughts lingered on the prospect of failure or capture, but recent events had stirred something deep within him he didn’t care to address. What if the cause they had fought for all this time wasn’t worth the losses they suffered? Even if victory could be attained, who would remain to revel, to remember how to live in peace?

A loud hum of building energy caused his ears to ring. His chest began to tighten from his proximity to the large weapon. He turned as he heard a report echo across the comlink of the impending fire of the ion canon. He head snapped upward as a large transport flew out of sight, flanked by two fighters, quickly making its way out of atmosphere. The shield was being lowered to allow their escape, yet leaving all those on the planet below a vulnerability.

Successive shots rang out as the ion cannon fired, the concussive sound shaking the ground nearby. He watched as the beams trailed close behind the transport as it disappeared beyond his vision.

Hearing the com system crackle to life, a voice proclaimed its fate.

The first transport had made it safely out of atmosphere and past the waiting Imperials. The men around him cheered as he remained stoic, gun aiming expectantly above the trench, preparing for the inevitable fight that lay before them. He wanted nothing more than to sink to the ground in relief at the thought that those who mattered most to him were safely off planet, but he had no confirmation they’d even made it aboard, nor any hope that he would make it out to join them.

The ground trembled ever so slightly, going unnoticed by the rest of the men in the trench. Cassian strained his eyes in hope of revealing objects that lay beyond his sight. He put a hand to his chest, willing it to calm as he felt adrenaline course through his body.

They were relying so heavily on their vision, that they neglected to listen for the sounds being carried across the ice.

The pattern of the gait was familiar, the distant sound of metal slamming to the icy ground with each step.

Sergeant Major Callum adjusted his binoculars as he trained them at the white expanse. Pulling them hastily from his face, he lifted his arm to speak loudly into the com at his writs.

The crack of static started Cassian from his vigilance, the report that followed confirming his suspicions.

“Echo Station 3T8, we have spotted Imperial Walkers.”

The men around him shuffled to take their places, bodies pressed flush against the ice. The trench became silent, save for the sound of heavy breathing as the men shook in nervousness.

Cassian realized this would probably be the first time most of them had ever seen an Imperial Walker, and perhaps, for man, the last. Having been part of the Alliance as long as he had, Cassian had known of their existence and had seen one up close for the first time during a recognizance mission a year prior to the Battle of Yavin.

But Scarif had been the first time he’d seen the destruction they were capable of up close. The Empire built weapons large enough to match their egos, and spared no expense in their mission to destroy the rebellion.

The AT-AT’s were menacing in size and power, their armor impenetrable to most standard blaster or canon fire. The sound of metal grating in their joints paired with the hiss of hydraulic valves was moving closer as they waiting for the walkers to reach shooting distance.

As Cassian took aim behind his weapon he found himself temporarily blinded as a flash of white-hot blaster fire cut through the air over his shoulder. The blast caused ice and snow to rain upon the men around him. His hand flew to the damaged sin as he grimaced at the sharp pain. The collar of his thermal jacket had taken the brunt of the damage, but his cheek bore proof of his close encounter.

The trench erupted into chaos around him as the soldiers returned blaster fire. He knew before the shots had met their target, it would prove impossible to penetrate its armor. As the Imperials continued to rain down fire upon them, he watched with hope as the Rogue Squadron flew overhead, providing coverage for all those battling on the ground below.

Cassian realized that the force they fought against was too great to suppress. Their job was no longer about beating the enemy, it was now protecting the base long enough for their comrades to escape.

He began firing his weapon at the head of the giant walker, where he knew the operator controlled the great beast. He hoped the blaster fire might distract them long enough to hinder their search for the shield generator. It would only take a few calculated shots to destroy what they sought, but the damage would prove catastrophic. A blast of that magnitude would collapse even the strongest of ice caverns. Echo Base would be turned into an icy tomb, leaving any personnel not killed by the Empire, to die trapped in the ice below.

Several soldiers began leaping from the trenches, racing across the deep snow in hopes of rescuing pilots and their gunners who’d been injured and abandoned. Cassian watched in horror as one by one they were gunned down before reaching their men. Only a half-dozen men remained in the trench beside him, including Callum, who continued to bark orders to his men. The com shield directly behind them burst into flames as it was hit by heavy fire. Bits of metal and ice pelted them as they ducked deeper into the trench for cover. As Cassian lifted his blaster to return fire, an explosion rocked the ground, sending him airborne, before dropping his body back to icy ground below.

An unremitting ring echoed loudly in his ears. No longer could he hear blaster fire or voices yelling across the expanse. He held a hand to the side of his head to find it covered in blood. He continued to lie still, uncertain as to whether he could even stand. The blood dripped down his face and pooled beneath his cheek, staining the ground and freezing on contact.

His back was screaming in pain, eyes rolling back as he fought to remain conscious. Forcing them to open, he found himself in another place entirely. All he could make out were the cylindrical walls of the data bank in the Citadel Tower. He willed his limbs to move, but his efforts were met with blinding pain. A voice was screaming his name in terror, echoing off the walls and causing his head to pound. The desperation in her voice tore at his heart. It was a cry of one forsaken. She had confided in him not hours before that she wasn’t used to people sticking around, and he had promised her a home with them. And here he was hours later, leaving her to fight another battle alone.

Whether for fear of Krennic hunting her down, or determination to send the transmission to the Alliance, he had managed to pull himself up and drag his broken body out of the tower.

Opening his eyes once more, he was blinded again by the bright white of Hoth.

He had no such motivation this time. He had no idea where Jyn was, or whether she’d made it off planet.

A shadow fell over him, blocking the brightness, and offering a brief respite to his sensitive eyes. As his vision cleared he stared back at a looming figure. His eyes widened as he found himself looking into the expressionless mask of an Imperial snowtrooper with a blaster pointed at his chest.

* * *

 

The cool metal of the door separating the cabin from the makeshift conference room was a welcome relief as Bodhi rest his head upon it. His palms lie flat against the door as he leaned his weight against it. Nearly 10 hours had passed since the Battle of Hoth began and the surviving members of the Alliance were spread across the universe like nocturnal creatures frightened by the light of the sun.

He caught sight of his face in the reflection of the glass and grimaced at the frightening display. His right eye was puffed up and swollen shut. Purple and black bruises lined the injury and the pressure building behind his eyelid was agonizing.

He banged on the door, willing the crew to let him in. He could only see a few feet into the room through the glass. He could hear shuffling as members of the crew fought to subdue a fellow passenger.

_Jyn_.

He winced at the sound of equipment being thrown against the wall. Metal instruments and furniture slammed to the ground. Gasps and grunts as a semblance of control was sought.

He continued to beat his fists against the door as he yelled, “Please, you don’t understand. Let me in, I can explain!”

In resignation Bodhi slid to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his head against the door behind him. His eyes closed as the events of the past few hours played through his mind.

 

_The evacuation siren continued to blare as Bodhi kept a tight grip on Jyn as they rushed through the corridors of Echo Base. The crowd was thick with rebels as they spilled into each corridor, racing to get to their positions. He cursed aloud as he heard the report that the first transport had just left dock. It wasn’t that there weren’t other transports available, it was the fact that Cassian had ordered him to get her out on the first. He knew part of Cassian’s reasoning for fear Jyn would be caught in the middle of the battle with no way to protect herself. But Bodhi knew the bigger fear was missing the only transport that carried medical personnel and the bulk of supplies._

_Jyn pushed Bodhi away, mumbling about not needing any help. He begrudgingly released his tightened hold and put a hesitant hand behind her back lest she fall._

_Coming to the docking bay, Bodhi looked to the next closest transport as rebels hurriedly filled the ship. Allowing Jyn to lean against the ramp, Bodhi explained their predicament to the officer on duty and was shocked to see the man merely wave them in without question or documentation. Bodhi was in no position to argue and hurriedly ushered Jyn aboard._

_The GR-75 transport was nothing to look at. Merely a hard-shell cargo ship with the ability to carry 50+ passengers with few amenities. This ship had little purpose other than to haul bodies and supplies off planet._

_Bodhi pushed Jyn into the nearest vacant seat, placing them in the back of the hull, closest to the engineering room. The sound was deafening, and the engines weren’t even at full tilt. He watched as she tried to secure the straps over her shoulders, each attempt to raise her arm resulting in a grimace of pain. Jyn rest her head on the seat behind her, attempting to catch her breath from the exertion of the failed attempt. Bodhi silently secured her as she failed to meet his gaze. He gently squeezed her shoulder before settling in himself._

_As the cabin was secured, Bodhi felt a rush of fear as the transport lifted from the ground. Although he’d never admit it, his confidence in the air only presented itself when he was at the helm. Placing his life in the hands of another pilot was worrisome. He clenched his fists and resisted the urge to panic. The transport boasted no windows, save for the few at the front of the ship. He imagined a thousand ways the flight might end as it rocked and swayed in the unstable air. He thought about the battle they were flying over, wondering how many lay dead, and how many continued to fight as they escaped the planet. They were pressed back in their seats as the transport gained speed knowing it would be only a few seconds before they hit the atmosphere. The fear of being shot down planet-side would quickly be replaced by the fear of being blown up in deep space._

_Icy fingers curled around his own, weakly squeezing them in comfort. Whether Jyn had reached out for her own fear or observance of his distress, he wasn’t sure. But he watched with concern as the ships movement put added stress on her body. All color had left her skin as sweat poured down her face. She began to pull against her restraints, but Bodhi grasped the offered hand tightly, hoping to distract her from her attempts._

_The hum of the engines lessened to a dull roar as they broke atmosphere. The whine of the hyperdrive grew louder as coordinates were set for their escape. They were pushed back into their seats as the jump to hyperspace was made, making them the second transport to escape unharmed._

_As the ship leveled off and floated through space with relative ease, the passengers around them left their seats and began to mill about the ship, unpacking supplies and attempting to contact other transports leaving Hoth._

_Bodhi watched as Jyn attempted to release herself from the seat, her weak arms straining to push the clasp. His hands brushed the restraint in an attempt to help her when she pushed against his chest in warning. He put his hands up to explain when she looked up at him. Her eyes had glazed over, a manic energy boiling under the surface. He wasn’t sure where she was in her mind, but it certainly wasn’t here. Pulling away from her he looked hurriedly for an officer that might have information on where he needed to take her, or who could help her. As he located a superior, the words were barely out of his mouth before he heard a commotion behind him._

_He turned to find that Jyn was no longer strapped to her chair, but pushing past passengers in an attempt to reach the back of the ship. He hurriedly moved through the crowd, yelling to her to stop. Catching up he reached out and grabbed her shoulder, which would prove to be a costly mistake._

_He never saw her fist coming until he found himself on the floor. He reached up to cover his eye, pain radiating from his cheek to his hairline._

_He watched as officers quickly restrained her, receiving punches and kicks as she refused to go quietly. They were pulling her toward the front of the ship and Bodhi couldn’t reach her fast enough. She started screaming in fear, startling the passengers on board, and sending them into momentary chaos._

_Climbing to his feet, he yelled as the officers dragged her away. “Wait, you don’t understand!”_

 

The memory came to a halt as the door at his back slid open, causing him to fall to the floor in a heap.

The Captain who’d whisked Jyn away gave him a once over. Bodhi noticed angry scratches marred his face, skin broken in multiple places. He hid a smile at the knowledge that Jyn did not cower in fear.

“You the pilot?” he questioned.

Bodhi nodded depreciatingly and mumbled quietly, “Never going to live that down.”

The man didn’t find the comment particularly humorous and proceeded to force Bodhi into a standing position by gripping him tightly by the shirt collar.

“I don’t know what kind of game you and Erso are playing at, but I won’t have a defector and an Imperial sympathizer endangering the lives of the people aboard this transport, do you understand, _pilot_?”

Bodhi merely nodded, not trusting himself to speak for fear of making the situation worse.

The man moved to the side and gestured to a door at the end of the corridor, “Keep her quiet until we reach rendezvous, or I’ll make sure to save the pair of you a seat on the next escape pod to jettison this ship. So stay out of my sight or take your chances with the Outer Rim.”

As Bodhi made to open the door he timidly questioned the Captain, “She’s not well. Are there medical supplies?

“This isn’t a medical frigate. Any and all supplies aboard are stowed in cargo containers that cannot be accessed mid-flight. You’ll have to make do.”

As much support that Jyn and Bodhi had received in recent months from members of the Alliance, there were just as many that still held doubt as to their allegiance. He wondered what kind of action, if any, would convince the rest that they were not an enemy.

Bodhi’s hand shook as he lifted it to press the door access. The room was cramped and dark, the air damp from a cooling system that had long gone unused. He could barely make out Jyn’s form as she sat in the floor, leaning heavily against the bunk. Her head was bowed and he realized she was staring at her hands as they lay bound in her lap.

He bit back a curse as he kneeled in front of her, tearing with fumbling hands to rip the binds from her tender wrists.

Her wide eyes met his as she spoke with coherence for the first time since she’d returned from the mission. Her voice barely above a whisper,

“What happened to your eye?”

Bodhi smiled but saw no humor reflected in her eyes, only fear and concern.

“Just a run-in with one of the officers, nothing to worry about,” he appeased with a wink.

“Where are we?” Jyn asked as she surveyed the small room.

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

Jyn ran a shaky hand through her damp hair as she willed herself to recall.

“Shoes,” she answered simply. Her feet rocked back and forth as she stared blankly ahead.

Bodhi sat beside her, leaning in to speak as she quieted.

“They sent a convoy, after we returned, to Derra IV. The Empire knew they were there. Wiped out half the fleet. We got reports of surveillance droids not long after. Not sure if they were tipped off at Derra IV, or if they’d been there longer. We made it out on the second transport. There hasn’t been any word of other survivors.”

“Cassian?”

“Ground troops. They’ll be the last ones off planet.”

Bodhi knew better than to assure her of Cassian’s safety, or that of any remaining rebels currently unaccounted for. It was easier to accept harsh reality when it came than to cling to false hope.

The events of the day were weighing heavily upon him as he breathed a loud sigh.

“You should sleep,” Jyn ordered, emotionless.

He reached his hand out, palm up, in offering to her. She continued to gaze into the dark room, ignoring his offer. The gentle hum of the ship washed over him as his breathing evened out. The last thing he remembered was a cold hand reaching for his own as he fell into a fitful sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Bodhi was wakened by the sound of uneven breathing. The ship felt strangely calm, the engines having slowed to docking speed. His suspicions were confirmed as he felt the tremor of the transport as another vessel made contact.

His eyes burned with sleeplessness as he rubbed them vigorously, gasping in pain as he hit the sensitive skin that Jyn had pummeled not long before.

He turned to find her covered in a sheen of sweat. She had made no move to shed Cassian’s thermal shirt in the warm cabin. He stared at her for a moment, noting the heavy eyes and slight tremor of her hands as she fought pain and restlessness. A mental war was waging that lie much deeper than the wounds on her skin.

His session with Bor Gullet had left him mentally distressed. The feeling of another creature looking at his inmost thoughts, traipsing and destroying all else in its path had left him feeling vulnerable and violated. He hadn’t even remembered who he was until Cassian uttered the same words he’d heard not hours before, _“Are you the pilot?”_

How different each question had been. One filled with anticipatory hope, the other with disdain. He often wondered how it might have ended for him if Jyn and Cassian hadn’t arrived on Jedha. Would he have succumbed to the madness of Bor Gullet, or would he have been turned to ash like the rest of the city in a show of Imperial power.

He knew the pain she was suffering was much worse than that of Bor Gullet, and he worried of the long-term affects her captivity might have on her mind.

Bodhi quietly moved to the door, leaving Jyn without a word. Bringing a hand to shield his eyes from the bright light of the corridor, Bodhi gazed out the nearest window to see if he could make out another ship. The narrow shape of the transport offered no view of docking ships, nor any other form of life.

The sound of men arguing moved closer to the door where he stood. One voice was low and gravelly, but it dominated the conversation. The exchange muted as Bodhi accessed the door panel that led to the central room of the transport.

The Captain and his second hand stared at him with looks akin to regret. More from embarrassment than repentance, but sorry nonetheless. They had no doubt been subject to a tongue lashing from whoever had walked up behind them.

Bodhi’s chest tightened as Cassian pushed his way past the men. Before he could get a word out, Cassian had pulled him in to a brotherly embrace, trembling as the man reciprocated. It was so very unlike him to display affection so freely. It made him worry as to the outcome of the battle they had left behind.

Bodhi noticed Cassian flinch as he tightened the embrace, favoring his lower back in the same place he had injured it on Scarif.

Pulling away, Cassian stood straight before the two subordinates.

“Notify me as soon as any other transports check in. I would like to speak with any members of council as soon as they’re located.”

Without waiting for a reply, Cassian turned and shut the door, separated he and Bodhi from the other men. Dropping his pack to the floor, Cassian lowered to his haunches, head resting on the cool metal of the ship. Bodhi feared he was going to be sick.

“Alright?” he queried.

Cassian merely shook his head, warning Bodhi with a look not to press him for answers.

“Jyn?” Was his gruff reply.

Bodhi gestured with a nod of his head toward the room at the end of the corridor, “Doing about as well as you at the moment.”

“That bad, huh?” Cassian offered a deprecating smile.

Grabbing his bag from the ground he motioned for Bodhi to lead the way down the corridor.

As Bodhi opened the door, Jyn came flying past him, barreling right into Cassian’s chest. Her grip looked painfully tight around his torso, but he issued no complaint. Her heated face tucked into his neck as he twisted the fabric of her shirt in his fist.

After minutes of their silent embrace, Cassian pulled her away and ushered her to sit on the bunk behind her. His face was all business as he took in her ashen complexion.

“Has she had any medical attention?”

Bodhi hung his head. “No. We missed the first transport. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

His voice trailed off as the look on Cassian’s face startled him.

“Don’t apologize,” he murmured, waving his hand in dismissal, “We were the last to leave. Transports were full, so we took what small fighters were left. By the time I configured coordinates to meet up with the first transport, a distress was issued across the com to change trajectory. The first transport along with several others that followed their course never made the jump to light speed. The Empire was tracking the trajectory of certain ships, then following them through hyperspace.”

Cassian’s red-rimmed eyes met both Jyn and Bodhi’s as he continued, “I had no idea you were here,” his mouth turned to a small smirk, “I’ve never been so happy to get a report about a passenger assaulting officers and inciting a riot.”

Bodhi laughed in response, but Jyn remaining stoic through the conversation. Her eyes burning through Cassian.

“How many?” Jyn whispered.

“Jyn,” he warned in a clipped response.

Her tired eyes met his own and begged once more, “How many, Cassian?”

As he began to speak he rifled through his pack, dumping its contents on the bunk between them. A meager stash of medical supplies, a few rations, and a change of clothes emptied from the bag. He picked up each item, inspecting them as he spoke. Anything to keep from making eye-contact.

“That I know of, at least 15 transports, maybe more. After the first few were destroyed, the remainder of the fleet disabled their com systems. Troops on the ground fared no better. A third of the ground troops were taken out by Imperial Walker fire, whoever was left was either hunted down by snow troopers or buried beneath the ice. We didn’t stand a chance.”

Jyn nodded silently as he watched them take in his words. Both she and Bodhi looked like they sought further explanation but knew better than to press him further.

He watched as her frame began to shake, realizing she’d taken in what supplies he’d dumped on the bunk. Bacta patches, numbing agents, and packaged syringes were strewn in front of her. He inwardly cursed himself for being so negligent.

Without seeking permission he pressed a palm to her head, then moved gently to her neck, careful not to irritate her wounds further. He knew it to be a rudimentary method of checking her temperature, but he didn’t dare wave medical supplies in front of her.

He didn’t need a thermometer to tell him her temperature was dangerously high, and had been for some time. His fear was not being able to determine its cause. If withdrawal from sedatives and hallucinogens were the cause, there was nothing he could do for her, no minimal dose he could provide to lessen the pain of the substances leaving her system. If it were infection, he could at least administer a level of pain relief.

Nodding to her arms, he asked a silent question. She neither refused nor acquiesced, so he proceeded. He noticed that she still wore the same clothing he’d provided for her before they left Hoth. Shoes still swallowing her tiny feet, and thermal shirt drenched in sweat. A part of his heart soared at the prospect that his shirt brought her a modicum of comfort, but the relief was short lived.

He rolled her sleeves up as gently as possible, baring her arms to both he and Bodhi. Her head was bowed, not wishing to watch his ministrations.

The needle marks were irritated far worse than we he last got a look at them. She had, no doubt, scratched at them, perhaps unconsciously as the burn and itch inflamed her arms. His thumb brushed over the skin as Jyn’s breath blew out in a pained hiss.

“Do you know what they used?” he questioned as he rolled the sleeves back down. In her silence, he continued, “Do you remember how it made you feel? What side effects?”

Her silence worried him. He knew he was pushing her toward a subject she had no intention of broaching. She was that much like him, that she simply wished to move on.

He lifted her chin with his finger, his eyes softening as she at last gave him notice. He watched as Bodhi rest a gentle hand of comfort on her shoulder, reminding her she was safe.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know what happened.”

He watched as she opened and closed her mouth several times, the words stuck somewhere between her head and her heart.

He thought back to all he knew concerning Imperial interrogation. He ran over names of drugs administered and droids used, anything to keep her from having to relive her entire experience.

“When they gave you the drug, did it feel hot? Like your blood was boiling?

Her head shook as she answered simply, “Cold”.

He grimaced as her answer negated the most common side effect of interrogation drugs he was familiar with.

“Did the pain feel dull? Like you were given the ability to withstand higher amounts of pain?”

Jyn stared at his chest, her voice an even tone, never changing its inflection, “I felt everything.” Her hand went to her chest to grab at the source of comfort that resided there. Her heart began to race as she was reminded of its loss. A warmth enveloped her skin as she realized Cassian put his calloused hand in its place. The coolness of the crystal replaced by the warmth of his skin.

The sensitivity of her nervous system was still screaming to rip her hand away from Cassian’s. His touch proving almost overwhelming with the drugs still exiting her body.

“Jyn, I want to be honest with you,” Cassian explained tentatively. His face apologetic, though no remorse fell from his lips.

“You’re going to need something to treat the infection that’s causing your fever, and reduce the pain long enough for you to get some rest.”

As Cassian turned to rummage through his bag once more, he watched from the corner of his eye as she drew in upon herself and moved closer to Bodhi, who’d taken up residence on the bunk alongside them.

He knew better than to reach for a syringe and send her into another manic episode. He reached instead for a topical analgesic. He knew it had both painkilling and numbing properties. His hope was that he could get her calm enough for an injection to go unnoticed. The consequences could be dire otherwise.

Cassian tugged at the collar of thermal, folding it down to expose her neck. The skin was painfully raw, bleeding in places, weeping in others. He kept his face free of emotion though his heart was pounding furiously in his chest. Waving the pack of bacta gel within her vision he spoke unobtrusively, “This will take the sting out. It should heal up the skin in no time.”

She lay back against the head of the bunk, resting her aching body with her eyes tightly closed. An almost imperceptible nod was all she offered him as permission. He kept his eyes on her responses as he first touched his hands to her slender neck. Her skin was pouring sweat, radiating heat to his own body. Each time his hand touched the wound she gave an involuntary shudder, eyes rapidly moving behind closed lids, her mind replaying events from her captivity. More than once, her hand came up and captured his wrist, stilling his movements.

He tightened his grip on her arm as he whispered her name, “Jyn? I need you to stay with us, okay?”

Chancing a glance at Bodhi he could see the same worry etched on his face.

“Talk to me, Jyn.”

Her eyes opened enough to peer at him. Her eyes were squinted, the aversion to such dim lighting concerned him.

“About what?”

Cassian hadn’t thought he’d get that far and was at a loss. He just needed to distract her long enough to patch her up. He didn’t dare ask about her captivity. Memories of her father and Saw still too fresh in their pain to mention.

Jyn was scratching at her chest again. The resting place of her kyber crystal was teasing her with its residual memory. Cassian’s cool hand pressed against her own as her eyes opened fully to meet his.

“Your mother. Tell me about her.”

As the words spilled from his lips he began to worry that he’d made the wrong choice. She didn’t speak of her mother often, and he didn’t wish to stir up painful memories. He knew it was in case in his own life.

He relaxed when he saw Jyn’s eyes close as a small smirk pulled at her pale lips.

She rest her head on the wall behind her, face turned to the right where Cassian kneeled at the side of the bunk. The touch of Cassian’s hands on her neck faded as willed herself to think back to the earliest memories of her mother.

Galen may have been the parent she emulated, the one she sought out for comfort, but her mother was her protector.

As a child, her father had reiterated multiple times that the choices he made were only to protect her and her mother, but as she grew into an adult she began to realize that many of the choices he made had been out of passivity. While her father used his mind and technical skills, her mother used her heart and a blaster.

For as many who knew her only as the daughter of Galen Erso, she was first and foremost a mirror image of Lyra.

“There were times I hated her,” she began softly. “She chided my father for letting me get so close to his work, for letting me interact with his associates on Coruscant. My father was a dreamer, but my mother was his touchstone.”

She could feel a coolness on her skin as Cassian applied the gel, moving from her neck to her arms. Her body stiffened briefly, before relaxing as she continued.

“My father trusted everyone, even those who had previously betrayed him. He was blind to the workings of his colleagues until it was too late. His passion to design and create overshadowed his ability to discern the motivations of those who employed him. But my mother, she saw through it all, and it was a source of contention for them.”

Jyn thought back to the days before Krennic arrived on Lah’mu, working in the kitchen with her mother.

 

_Her eyes were fixed on the window that looked out onto the tall grass beyond their home. The wind blew with such ferocity that the blades seemed to change color from deep green to blue. It played a song as it danced through the hills, telling a story with its gusts and calm._

_A cool splash of water startled her as she turned toward its origin. Her mother’s exasperated face greeted her._

_“At this rate your chores won’t done before nightfall. You’ve got to get your head out of the stars, Jyn. One man’s daydreaming is another man’s day.”_

_A dish was handed to her to put away as her mother motioned toward the cabinet with a nod. She begrudgingly put the remaining dishes away knowing the wash on the line would be next. Head hung low she walked toward the door. A gentle hand on her shoulder stopped her movements._

_Kneeling in front of Jyn, her mother offered a sad smile as she brushed her hair behind her ears._

_“Why do you think I ask these things of you, Jyn?”_

_Jyn looked up from the floor and shrugged her small shoulders, “I don’t know, mama. To learn a lesson, I guess.”_

_Lyra smiled at the simplistic answer that came from her daughters lips. She turned to face the door, her gaze following that of her child. Galen stood out in the fields, head facing the sky, staring into clouds as if they’d answer him._

_“Jyn, you’ve had to grow up so fast, love,” her voice breaking before clearing her throat to hide her emotion. “I teach you these things because I want you to learn how to take care of yourself, to take care of those around you.”_

_Her mother ran her hand over her chest, pulling ever so softly at the jewelry that hid beneath, as she often did when she was worried._

_She looked back out at Galen as she continued, “If anything ever happens, Jyn…if something ever happens to me or your papa, I want to know that you will be safe.”_

_Kneeling in front of her once more, Lyra cupped Jyn’s cheeks in her hands. “There may come a day when your dreams cease to comfort you. When the light is dim and you can’t see hope for fear. Don’t get lost searching for dreams, love.”_

_Kissing her cheek, Lyra nudged Jyn’s back toward the door, “Go on then, go see your papa.”_

_Jyn pressed a wet kiss to her face and ran unabashed toward her father. Her mother’s words floating away with the breeze._

 

Her eyes opened to find Cassian had risen from the floor to perch beside her on the bunk. Bodhi was by her other side, eyes closed, resting his hand on the bandage that had already been finished. Her neck and left arm were wrapped tightly with a binding, keeping her from irritating it further. Cassian was pressing his thumb against the crease where her forearm met her elbow. He looked startled to find her eyes upon him.

Cassian had listened as she mumbled half incoherently a story about her mother. Her words touched a place in his heart he didn’t visit often. He tried to focus on arms as her voice slipped in and out of consciousness. His own thoughts began to stray to his own mother, a woman who had also been taken from her child much too soon.

He reached behind him to grab a syringe, confident Jyn would not feel its ministration when her eyes opened to meet his. Her voice mumbled a question to him as her eyes closed once more, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he croaked, “Almost finished.”

He could tell much of the pain had subsided, the numbing agent was working, and her body was starting to relax.

“Cassian?” Jyn whispered, eyes capturing his under heavy lids.

“Hmm?” his deep voice rumbled, uncertainty tinging his reply.

“What do you remember about your mother?” Her eyes closing as she waited for him to answer.

Cassian swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, his emotion at the simple question surprising him. He had spoken to no one of his mother since his father died and he joined the rebellion so many years ago. It pained him that he knew so little about the woman who gave him life.

Cassian began to wrap Jyn’s other arm as he weighed the words on his heart.

“I remember her voice.”

He tied the binding on her arm, hoping against hope she’d fallen asleep, and he could remain silent. With eyes still shut Jyn reached a hand out to him, pulling him closer to her. Cassian obliged and moved to rest against the wall beside her, careful not to jostle her fragile body.

“Tell me,” she pressed him.

Cassian looked closer at her as she leaned her weight into him. Her furrowed brow had softened, and her heartrate slowed, but the fever remained, just as he knew the dreams would. He ran his fingertips along the bindings of her arm, stopping at each place he knew her skin had been pierced. He had already counted them, traced each one, as he applied the dressing. He kept his eyes down as he recounted the memories he bore.

“My mama died when I was two years old. Most of my memories are passed to me from my papa. He didn’t talk about her often. I think sometimes he would look at me and see her. I bore her olive skin and dark eyes. He would stare at me, then turn away as if it pained him to look at me.”

His hand grasped Jyn’s for support as he continued, “All I remember is her singing to me in the most beautiful language I’d ever heard. She was not from Fest, but from another system my parents never spoke of. I speak of it what I remember, which is less and less all the time.”

“What were the words?” she whispered.

His eyes burned at the memory, the words running effortlessly through his mind, words he tried and tried to forget. He dare not sing them, his voice no match for the sound of his mother in his memory. His deep voice rumbled in his chest as he recited the words like a poem as quietly as he could manage.

 

_Estrellita del lejano cielo,_

_que miras mi dolor,_

_que sabes mi sufrir._

_Baja y dime_

_si me quiere un poco,_

_porque yo no puedo sin su amor vivir._

 

Jyn’s grip on his hand loosened and her breathing began to even. He continued to speak as he pulled out the syringe. Positioning the sharp needle against her battered skin, his words shook as he broke the skin. A small whimper escaped her lips as he removed the needle, but her eyes remained shut. He covered the spot and squeezed her hand as he settled back against the wall beside her. Her fevered head rest its weight on his shoulder as he stroked her arm in reverence. He finished the sad song, barely audible, as he rest his head in return.

 

_¡Tu eres estrella mi faro de amor!_

_Tu sabes que pronto he de morir._

_Baja y dime_

_si me quiere un poco,_

_porque yo no puedo sin su amor vivir._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Cassian mentions is "Estrellita" by Manuel Ponce
> 
> Translated lyrics are:
> 
> Little star from the distant sky  
> That watches my pain  
> That knows my suffering  
> Come down and tell me if you like me a little  
> Because I can't live without your love
> 
>  
> 
> You are, Little star, my beacon of love  
> You know that I will soon die  
> Come down and tell me if you like me a little  
> Because I can't live without your love


End file.
